Morning Has Broken

Brothers

Sometimes the love my sons show for one another shames me. They have such an amazing bond with one another, despite the normal sibling rivalry they also have.

If one of them is hurt or sad, often before I can make a move to comfort, the other brother is there, holding a hand, asking what's wrong, and trying to make his brother feel better.

They constantly say "I love you" to one another, share with one another, work hard to make each other laugh. 

Frankly, I am a little envious of their relationship. I never had a sibling and their bond is so amazing, and I pray, unbreakable, that I can't help but wish I had that. How I long for a sister.

I am incredibly thankful, though, that I get to see my sons experience this.

Of course, they're not perfect. I hear my share of "NO! THAT'S MINE!!!!" and "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" And sometimes, their bickering drives me crazy.

But their love for one another really overwhelms any sibling rivalry. 

This week Brendan went to visit his grandparents without Beckett. It was Boys' Week for the older grandsons and Beckett was deemed too young to keep up with all the activities planned for the big kids. On Monday when I dropped Brendan off, he was begging me to let Beckett go with him, saying he'd miss him. When it was time for bed that night, Beckett was sad because he was worried that Brendan wasn't sleeping at home.

Beckett has been on the verge of tears several times this week saying, "Brendan's never coming home. I miss Brendan." It's been a little heartbreaking.

Of course, today the first thing he told me was, "I don't want Brendan to come home." Then, he smiled slyly, and laughed when his dad said, "You do, too, want Brendan to come home."

I can't wait to enjoy those first few minutes when they're reunited today, when they're joyful and happy to see on another, before I hear the cries of "NO! MINE!".

Ten Thousand Words

I've spent the last two days working on articles for clients, one a magazine article for a newcomer's/relocation magazine, the other a friend's business that helps facilities streamline their recycling and sustainability efforts.

I wrote on two very distinct and different topics, learned a lot about both, and had a ball doing it. Mind you, I've been doing research for the article on my friend's business for a couple of weeks, interviewing two schools, including my alma mater, that have used her services, but only sat down yesterday afternoon and today to put all the pieces together.

After finishing both articles, and as I was writing, I just felt all jacked up. Energized. Happy. When I'm writing like that, learning new things and sharing that knowledge, I just feel as if I'm – okay, get ready for the crazy-talk – I feel as if I'm in the flow of the Universe. I feel like I'm connected, plugged in, tuned in, turned on, and right where I'm supposed to be doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

And then, I don't want to stop.

I can't believe it has taken me so long to see this and be able to articulate it. The problem is, however, that when I do that, it's hard to get anything else done. My house goes to Hell. My kids feel neglected.

Balance. I know. The magic word we all seek. My problem is, I go off on benders. I'll spend a week doing nothing but writing, tweeting, Facebooking, stopping to feed my kids, workout, eat, bathe, take my kids to play or do something so they're not totally ignored, but everything else like laundry, cleaning, etc. can just fall by the wayside until I snap out of the spell and see the mountains of laundry that threaten to topple over and bury a child.

Still, despite the warning signs, it was only today that I realized what was happening, that I was finding my groove, the place I want to be,need to be, and getting lost there. When I come up for air and try to manage the household in the way it should be managed, then I fall so far out of the vortex of joy I'm in when I'm writing consistently, that I start to feel depressed.

Maybe now that I actually see and accept what's happening I can find more of that balance. Give a little more attention to the things that need attention before they get out of hand, be that doing the laundry or writing about something I care about. And soon I believe the paid writing projects will pick up enough again that perhaps I can outsource my least favorite tasks. If only I really could hire someone to do my grocery shopping, laundry, and clean the bathrooms without breaking the bank. Oh to dream!