Do you ever have so much going on (in your life, in your head, in your heart) that you just don't know what to write about or where to begin?
That's kind of...No, that is how I feel right now.
We've been so busy and active the last few weeks. Scott's music. I've had a freelance project or two. I'm still working on the wedding I'm directing in June. I'm trying to figure out what to do for childcare this summer so I can work while Brendan's not in preschool. My 15-year college reunion is this weekend and I kind of forgot about it. I knew it was coming, but it snuck up on me.
I'm also trying to convince myself that sending Brendan to a public 5-day pre-K program in the fall is the right thing to do even though I want to keep him a baby, my baby, for as long as possible. I feel like 5-day public school will be the death knell for his innocence. I sound like a snob, but I really don't want my baby being exposed to a bunch of ruffian bad boys and I think that's what most boys aged 5-12 tend to be. And those are exactly the kids he'll be around at public school. Brendan is sweet and thoughtful and sensitive and I don't want that taken away from him, nor do I want him bullied for having those traits.
The other option is to keep him in the private preschool where he is now for pre-K. I guess I should do a pro-con list. Our neighborhood school really is excellent. I guess I'm just being a worried, overprotective mama.
And in other news...Both the boys have been super cute and sweet. Beckett really is taken with his older brother. It's absolutely the sweetest thing I've ever seen. If Beckett is crying and I can't get him to settle, Brendan will say, Maybe he wants me. And lo and behold if that baby doesn't stop crying and break out into the biggest grin you've ever seen when big brother comes around. I love it. It really is so beautiful to see the love growing between the two of them. And it makes Brendan so happy to think that he's responsible for helping make his brother happy. Who knew?
For the most part, things are good. There are a couple of things I'd love to talk about, but just can't. I can't put that much of myself out there right now. Maybe someday.
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5 comments:
Hey, friend.
Sometimes the blessings of life totally kick our asses. We're lucky to have these things, these partners, children, experiences, but that doesn't mean it's not completely overwhelming on occasion.
I have no advice, only a big ol' "I'm with you, sister."
Your boys sound great! It reminds me of my two oldest boys. Having boys is the best - thanks for reminding me.
My oldest is 8 and in public school. My best advice for dealing with public school is be involved as much as you can. My husband and I both try to volunteer in his class when we can.
Hang in there! Life can really turn us for a loop. We just have to try and hang on!
Oops that was me above - I signed in with my personal account for my family blog. So much for trying to be anonymous.
Hey girl,
A couple thoughts on this. First of all, we had Carter in a pre-K program last fall, but moved him into real kindergarten after about a month. I don't know how old Brendan is, but the whole experience really got me thinking about whether or not it's a good idea to hold boys back (in Carter's case, it wasn't, but I'm sure it's different for everyone). Second, Carter's kindergarten is a public school. I work there once I week. I watch what happens. And the reality is, it's fairly close to what you suspect. About half the kids in the class "share our values" (this is our joke code for families that value education and participate in their kids' lives) and the other half are coming from a much different, much rougher, family situation (that's often quite tough for them). The result? Little kindergarten burn outs who remind me of my community college students--already intolerant of authority and "work." There is hitting on the playground. There is name calling and there are threats of violence. There are gender attitudes that blow me away.
In spite of this, so far, I truly think Carter is getting an excellent education. He's excited about learning and is doing great creatively and intellectually. I just don't know when this will start becoming a larger problem. First grade? Second? Third? My parents eventually pulled us out of public school in Hawaii for fourth grade because they just couldn't take it anymore.
I don't know what the right answer is and I don't know how to address the social inequities that create this situation. But although I spend my work time trying to help address that inequity, when it comes to my own family, I just want the best, as hard as it can be to say that out loud ;).
Good luck figuring all this out--I'm sure you will find just the right thing for your family.
I went to Montessori pre-K and then switched into a very middle-class public elementary for K and 1st. I think a few kids from my Montessori came with me. I actually retain more memories of pre-K then of that elementary but I have no negative memories whatsoever. Well, one kid convinced me that if we collected and planted rolly pollies, they would grow into flowers--but they all died in my pocket before I could get home. There may have been some tears shed that day. Otherwise, what I mostly remember is going to the library and getting to do math problems. If there were ruffians, I think I just blocked them out entirely, so focused was I on learning.
I went to private school for 3-5 and returned to public for 6th grade, meeting up again with numerous kids I had known from 1st grade--and was shocked to find some them transformed into rude, obnoxious, sexist idiots, both boys and girls. I don't think I was contaminated at all though. I knew immediately that they were not part of my universe. I did my best to ignore them. I guess my personality was already formed. And I had really strong, loving parents and home life.
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