Naturally, just as I sit down to write, Beckett bursts into hurt, angry, outraged tears. Brendan denies all knowledge of why.
I want to write. I miss writing. Yet, I have been uninspired. In a funk I can't seem to escape and consumed with Brendan's school issues, work in a field that is really not happening right now, and my self-absorbed-all-consuming thoughts about how to be a better ___________________ (wife/mother/friend/human being/writer/sex kitten/blogger/marketing manager/cook/cleaning lady/chauffeur/music lover/music manager/you name it).
I can't get my head out of .... well, my own fucking head, long enough to write. I have been uninspired and a slave to time despite having lots of interesting things to write about.
In summary, I had my 20-year class reunion, Beckett is speaking a lot!; Brendan may or may not have dyspraxia, and I pretty much continue to hate myself, although I am loving my life more.
If only I were more physically fit, smarter, more courageous, a better writer, more committed to my art, and had a full-time staff to do all the things I have to do (instead of writing), I might be able to stop being so negative. Being more positive is a major, major, major goal of mine and I have been consumed with working it all out before writing again.
Not quite there yet, but on the way.
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3 comments:
I keep resisting the urge to drive down the interstate with some good wine and gourmet chocolate and come see you. ahhh...in a perfect world (which would include personal secretaries and child care)...but we don't live in one.
I hope you can find some comfort in this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ui8wMNYbvWU
If not, perhaps you will just enjoy it. I will admit that this song has become something of a talismanic (probably not a word, but whatever) presence in my life the past few months.
And, as always, hit me up if you want to talk about it.
Hang in there...we all are feeling the time crunch lately...I have faith you'll survive it and come out sparkling!!
~K
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