Try a Little Tenderness

Naturally, just as I sit down to write, Beckett bursts into hurt, angry, outraged tears. Brendan denies all knowledge of why.

I want to write. I miss writing. Yet, I have been uninspired. In a funk I can't seem to escape and consumed with Brendan's school issues, work in a field that is really not happening right now, and my self-absorbed-all-consuming thoughts about how to be a better ___________________ (wife/mother/friend/human being/writer/sex kitten/blogger/marketing manager/cook/cleaning lady/chauffeur/music lover/music manager/you name it).

I can't get my head out of .... well, my own fucking head, long enough to write. I have been uninspired and a slave to time despite having lots of interesting things to write about.

In summary, I had my 20-year class reunion, Beckett is speaking a lot!; Brendan may or may not have dyspraxia, and I pretty much continue to hate myself, although I am loving my life more.

If only I were more physically fit, smarter, more courageous, a better writer, more committed to my art, and had a full-time staff to do all the things I have to do (instead of writing), I might be able to stop being so negative. Being more positive is a major, major, major goal of mine and I have been consumed with working it all out before writing again.

Not quite there yet, but on the way.

Time to Kill

So, what I want to know is how does one make her life fit the alloted number of hours given? How do I possibly make all the things I want and/or need to do fit in one day? I am open to suggestions. Here's my list in no particular order:

Pray/meditate

Think and plan for the day/days ahead (to-do lists, calendars, etc.)

Blog

Write assigned articles

Write articles to pitch

Care for children(feed, clean, nurture)

Play with children (just be present and having fun with them; take them to do fun things)

Spend time with husband (being present and enjoying each other's company)

Work at new part-time marketing job

Cook

Clean house 

Laundry

Spend time with friends (by phone, e-mail, im, etc. if not in person--at least one a day)

Exercise

Shower, dress, try to look nice

These are all the things I need to fit into most days or at least my week somewhere. Obviously, some of the things are non-negotiable such as time spent with my family. Work. Exercise, for me, needs to be a priority. I'm just having trouble making it all work. I feel like I could literally get up at 5 a.m. and stay up until 1 a.m. trying to fit it all in, be exhausted, and still not get it all done.

Oh yeah. That seems to be part of my problem. I seem to really need my 6 hours of sleep a night and would take all I could get. I think if I could force myself to get up two hours before the kids I could knock out working out and showering/getting dressed. I just can't seem to force myself out of bed until I have to get up.

How do you manage your time and make it all work without feeling like you're neglecting someone?