Fuel

Doña Leova positively vibrates with grandmotherly otherworldly love and wisdom. As wise and ancient as she clearly is, there's something else...Her kind brown eyes dance and twinkle with the laughter of a mischievous young girl who has a secret she can't wait to share.

I am surprised and a little delighted when she looks at me with her laughing, knowing eyes as I sit in the folding chair just to the right and facing her and says "Mi niña bonita, me dice acerca de Vida..."

Roberto, Doña Leova's charming, laughing translator repeats, "Tell me about Life, pretty little girl." And so it went. I sat spellbound, listening to Roberto's voice, rich and resonant, as he repeated the words of this...this beautiful woman who defies description. Native healer. Aztec Shaman. Midwife. Mother and grandmother. Healer and friend of Yogi Bhajan, the Sikh guru who brought Kundalini Yoga to the United States in the 1960s and whose motto was, "If you can't see God in all, you can't see God at all."

Soon, Scott wandered over and joined our little circle of seekers. Doña told us lovely stories of her granddaughter who speaks the native Nahuatl language fluently although her parents don't. She told us magical stories of the love between that same granddaughter and her pet cat who disappeared for 20 days while the child visited her other grandparents and who reappeared the same day the granddaughter returned home. And as she told the story, her crinkly-innocent brown eyes were filled with such joy! There was also something so magical and engaging about watching Roberto's face as he listened closely and then re-told her stories in English. I've never really had an up close experience with a translator, something so fun and informal, and it was a delight to behold. I really loved it.

As one of her stories wound to a close, a woman approached Doña and asked her for a healing. I had wanted to, but she had performed several before I walked over and so I assumed she was either tired or done for the evening. As the young woman sat on the chair before Doña, Bo-Maen, one of her hosts in NYC, tried to discourage the young woman, saying Doña was tired. But Roberto assured us that she was not tired, but rather that the more she works with others, the more her energy increases.

The young woman seemed to be expecting more of a metaphorical exprience, I think. Roberto kept telling her to get out of her head..."Between the ears, nothing but sky." After several minutes, the young woman seemed satisfied that she had received an energy transfer or something that Doña Leova had done had worked and she moved away from the group.

At that point, Bo-Maen and Doña motioned for Scott to sit in the healing chair. Calling him muchacho pequeno she asked him what he did. Upon learning that he is a musician, she told him she felt he needed to sing more from the heart. We both replied, "More?"

I felt tears pricking my eyes as she immediately saw into Scott and knew what was blocking him. She worked with him for quite a while on breathing and encouraged him to release his blocks. It was a beautiful and amazing thing to watch. I got chills as she immediately addressed Scott's concerns.

Then, it was my turn. Doña Leova began by using the same technique she had used on all the others to read their energy, pressing her knuckles into my chest while resting another hand upon my shoulder. I was surprised by her strength and by how intense the pressure was. No one else had indicated any sense of pain, but I immediately began crying because the pressure was so intense. Of course, I was already feeling emotional after witnessing Scott's experience.

Next she stood behind me, rubbing my shoulders and cradling my head in her hands. She told me to cry, grito linda chica. y lo deja salir. I refrained from sobbing out loud, but did let the tears flow. Then Roberto told me to keep my eyes closed..."Between the ears, nothing but sky." Doña Leova held my hands and gave me a smooth, round, beautiful marble to hold between my palms, giving me the energy of the Earth.

After several moments, she asked me if I was muy bien. I said, si, muy bien, but she said, "No. No muy bien. Usted tiene griterío a hacer." No. You are not well. You have more crying to do.

She then said the most profound thing anyone has ever said to me, I think. "You are not the story in your head. You are more than that. Release it and let it go." She urged me to choose happiness and helped me recount the blessings for which I am grateful, especially my children. Roberto expanded on her wisdom by saying, "Look around this room. If you want to find something here that you like, you will find it. But if you look for something you don't like, that is what you will find."

It sounds so simple and so obvious maybe, but I feel as though the scales have been lifted from my eyes and for the first time in quite a few years, I see clearly.

I am so much more than the story in my head and I live in an amazing time in an amazing world filled with amazing opportunities.

I am blessed, but so much more than ever before for opening myself up to this joyful, delightful, mystical opportunity. I am striving to hold onto this feeling of love and peace that was given to me by this beautiful, magical woman who showed up in my life at just the right time.

I almost chose not to go to NY with Scott on this trip. I am thankful the voice in my head kept pushing me to do it and that I listened. I am eternally grateful to have had this opportunity.

Peace and Light.

Wha'Cha Say?

What price are you willing to pay for your sanity?

We clearly see that I will go to some lengths for mine... Pouring the intimate details of my life out onto a platter for anyone who wants to pick them apart; taking anti-depressants and, again, pouring that juicy detail out like some rich morsel I feel compelled to share with friends and strangers alike.

Am I willing, however, to continue spending more money at the grocery store? Sadly, I think I might be.

I am addicted to Publix. I love shopping there. I love the crisp clean, moderny goodness of their package design; the brightly lit and clean expanse of store with wide aisles that all go in the same direction with the center aisles flanked by the produce section in one rear corner and meats in the other. I love how the same employees have worked in the store for years and years and know my name and ask how my boys are doing if they're not with me. I love that Publix employees are always smiling and friendly and helpful...to a one, from the store manager to the stock clerks. I love that they double coupons and always offer to have someone help you to your car with your groceries. It is hands down my favorite grocery store for everyday, run of the mill shopping.

Several of my friends have encouraged me to shop at Kroger, telling me how much cheaper it is.

I just have one tiny problem. Kroger makes me crazy.

Every single time I shop in a Kroger store, I am enraged to the point of muttering and tears by the time I leave. No joke.

The stores are dirty, dark, and always crowded. They never have enough check out lanes open. The produce is by the door as soon as you walk in and isn't laid out in any sensible way. Produce is often not labeled with a price and they never have the little plastic bags for produce out near the produce. They have the bags in one central location so you have to either remember to go get your bags (and know how many you need) or walk across the department when you need a bag.

There is never anyone at the deli counter when you need help and if you ask anyone where something is, they point. I guess that's really all under the umbrella of employees who don't give a damn whether you shop in their store or not. And that's really my biggest problem. Poor staffing with employees who seem like they all hate their jobs.

Then there's the issue of bad design which is reflected in numerous ways throughout the store. The store does not flow well and always seems crowded. The aisles are not wide enough or long enough and they have foods and other products grouped in weird ways. Diapers and Candy. Cokes and Pet Supplies. I just hate it. And don't get me started on their package design which looks like something from 1985. Yuck. Purple and blue and red? Really? Blech!

I almost forgot! Kroger is also the only store I've ever seen with aisles running in two different directions. Vertically and horizontally! I hate that. It's not only illogical, it's inconvenient to the shoppers using giant shopping carts with wheels that don't easily turn.

I understand that for most people shopping isn't about an aesthetic experience. I know there must be something wrong with me that it matters so much to me. This is also why I prefer Target to Wal-Mart. I have so much garbage in my head that I don't need it when I'm trying to get things done.

I need a clean and easy experience with few distractions when I'm shopping. Also, since going to the grocery might be my big outing for the week, I'd like to keep it a pleasant experience.

Sadly, though, I'd really like to spend less money on groceries. I have a conundrum.

For the moment though, I think my sanity might win. I'll just have to do my best to reduce my grocery expenditures in the clean happy land of Publix.

What say you? What lengths will you go to in order to promote calm and peace in your life?