The Heart of the Matter

I don't love clichés, but they really can get right to the heart of the matter sometimes. Sometimes there simply aren't words – the right words, enough words – to give comfort or to explain a situation. And in those situations, sometimes clichés, the tired but comfortably worn words and phrases we've known all our lives, are all that we have left.

Today, I've been extremely frustrated and upset over what I perceive as a situation at my son's school. It's ridiculous, really, that I should feel this so deeply. That I should find myself furious over it. I mean, punch-the-wall-angry. And not merely angry over the situation, which I will explain in a moment, but angry because I feel so lonely and isolated and like very few other parents feel what I'm feeling. And there's nothing worse than feeling alone.

Oh! But how is all that related to clichés, you ask? Well, remember the one that says "To become a mother is to forever have your heart go walking around outside your body?" And that is precisely how I've felt all day. I mean, it's not that I don't usually feel it, but today I felt it acutely because I feel like my son and other kids at his school are being treated unfairly. Just writing that, I can feel the anger boiling up inside me.

Every semester his school has an Honors Day ceremony at which children are awarded certificates for academic achievement, any special awards from activities like spelling bees or events like the stock market competitions, and citizenship awards.

At the ceremony, certain children are chosen to lead the Pledge of Allegiance, welcome the parents, and give what is referred to as an "inspiration." Almost to a one, the only students selected to do this are from our school's magnet class. The magnet class is chosen by lottery but they are the favored students in our school, getting French 4 times per week, mostly white kids from two-parent homes, with a high level of support from the parents. In the four years I've been attending these events, I can think of only a handful of non-magnet kids or boys from any class who have had the honor of speaking role. Worse yet, one little girl has spoken at every single Honors Day since first grade. I hate her. (Okay. Not really. But she is super annoying and when the vice principal called her out today after she spoke by saying "Isn't she precious, everyone? I just looooove her!", I wanted to hurl.

So, I should just say "life's not fair" and move on. Except I can't because it affects that part of me walking around outside my body...that quickly growing son whom I love beyond measure.

I want my son to know how to stand up in a room full of people and speak with confidence. Unfortunately, with such limited opportunities and the few that do exist being given to the same kids over and over again, he may never get the chance while he's young enough to enjoy it without being overly insecure and analytical about his performance.

The thing is, every child deserves a chance. Not just mine. I remember being a goody-goody, straight A student who was also very shy. But I always knew the right answer and would always raise my hand in class. Being smart was the only thing I was good at as a child and I wanted that recognition of being called upon and getting the right answer. However, all of my teachers made a point of calling on the kids who rarely raised their hands or even choosing one who hadn't raised a hand to keep things equitable and to get everyone involved.

It was suggested to me by another parent when I pointed out this inequity that I'm nuts. Another parent suggested that perhaps the kids who get chosen volunteer.  And while I may be nuts, I know unfairness when I see it. And this ain't fair folks, even if the kids do volunteer.

I would say that it's incumbent upon the teachers to keep track of who did it last time (this could be a list on the chalkboard) and pick names out of a hat so that everyone has a fair shot at getting to do it. It's not that hard to be equitable. And to ensure that students from classes other than the magnet class get a chance, one child from each classroom should be chosen. Again, not that hard...four slots to fill, four classes. Go figure.

Of course, I thought writing about it would make me feel better and so far it hasn't. I feel slightly less angry. I also sent a polite note to my son's teacher asking her to explain the selection process. Again, while it was taking action, I'm not sure it will make a difference.

In the meantime, I'd love to hear your thoughts. How are things like this handled at your kids' schools? What was it like when you were a kid? Should I let this go or speak up?

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

When I took a look at Facebook today, I was overwhelmed with the number of posts asking what I was going to do with "this once in a lifetime day, 12/12/12". So much pressure.

 So, while I'd love to say I had something really amazing planned, you know, like base jumping or getting married (to my husband again), or having a baby (like my husband's beautiful cousin is doing today!). I'm not. Today is just another day with laundry that awaits folding, a body longing to be stretched and moved through yoga, a husband recovering from surgery, Christmas gifts left to buy, kids who need help with their homework, and dinner waiting to be cooked. But, just like "any other day," the Belle of the Blog, even though she's been silent for many a month, ("Has it been that long?" you say. Indeed, it has, I tell you!) still has an opinion and a few ideas about where you should be buying any Christmas, Kwanza, Hannukah, or Festivus gifts left on your list. So, that end, I've created a list and while I'm not profiting in any way (other than through karmic good) by sharing this with you, I'm hoping some of my many creative, talented, entrepreneurial friends and contacts will. I hope you'll check out some of these gift ideas. If you're so inclined, please share a link to this post on your blog or Facebook page and consider it your good deed on this "once in a lifetime" day. 

Alrighty...Well, where to begin?

Let's start with books....

Books

My fellow Agnes Scott College alumna and English major, Jennifer Garlen, has three great books available right now.

Classic movie novices looking to expand their forays into such deep terrain, will welcome never having to waste two hours on a terrible movie again once you give them Beyond Casablanca: 100 Movies Worth Watching. 

If you have Muppet fans on the list, they might enjoy one of the two following books.

First, Kermit Culture, through a series of academic essays, explores both the cultural influences on Jim Henson that affected his work and the impact those beloved fuzzy creatures had on popular culture. 

Those who want to look at Henson's impact through some of his other works beyond The Muppets will enjoy The Wider Worlds of Jim Henson: Essays on His Work and Legacy Beyond The Muppets and Sesame Street, which looks at his other projects including Fraggle Rock, The Dark Crystal, Labyrinth, The Jim Henson Hour, Farscape, and many more of his works. 

If you have a short story reader or Southern literature fan to shop for, check out "The Ballad of Shirley T and Other Short Stories" by my fellow ASC alumna Perrin Conrad. Like any great Southern writer, Perrin has a flair for creating uniquely captivating characters. 



Now, on to our next category...

Personalized Gifts

If you're looking for something truly unique, customized especially for your dear loved one, check out my friend Monica's Etsy story, Monogram Perfect. Monica actually had a brick and mortar store for years at the Opry Mills Mall in Nashville, Tennessee until it was destroyed in Nashville's 100-Year Flood a few years back. Now, she creates her lovely one-of-a-kind treasures from her home and sells them via Etsy or another web site. Personally, I love this cute grandparents' plaque that you can have tailored with your parents' g-name. One order of MeMe and Lolli for delivery, please...  Seriously, though, do check out her store. She has some precious items for the babies, kids, ladies, and monogram lovers in your life. 


Girly Gifts

If you're looking for a sophisticated, sexy, and tasteful fragrance gift for yourself or someone special, check out Poisoned Apple Potions. This clever store sells hand-blended body scrubs, lotions, butters, and perfumed oils. The brain child of another Agnes Scott graduate, Poisoned Apple Potions will appeal to more sophisticated tastes. The store even features a special Agnes Scott themed line whose sale benefits the College's annual fund. 

Alright, well, that's a start my dears! I'll have a few more ideas in the days to come, but I hope these ideas help at least someone out of a gift-giving predicament today.

Be sweet, y'all! And remember to share a link with a friend. 

Back in the Saddle, Again: The Belle is Back

Holy cow, y'all! It has been a while. Well, welcome back.

I've been focused on my freelance business. It has been a busy year. And exciting! As I was taking on several new freelance clients, taking care of my boys, starting a great yoga regimen, and just livin' life, my mister started traveling for work. It has made for a very busy year. So busy, that it has been almost a full year since I've blogged, I think.

I've missed it. And you!

Now that fall, um, the BEST SEASON OF THE YEAR, has arrived, my creative juices are flowing again. I have a fair amount going on, but I want to re-commit (again!) to blogging my wee little heart out.

I have a couple of new recipe posts to add in the next day or two. Plus some other stuff I'm working on or have on my mind. So, look for my posts.

And have a beautiful day!

(You Took My) Joy (I Want It Back)

I wish I could go to Slidell and look for my joy. West Memphis, even.

If only it were that easy. My joy ain't in Slidell. And sure as Hell ain't in West Memphis.

I don't know where that shit is. But I think, after weeks of feeling miserable and acting like a bitch on wheels, I know when it started seeping out of my life. Joy, that is.

September 10, 2001. Ten years ago today.

That was the day the tiny cracks started to form in the foundation of my dream life. The day when I realized that I was neither charmed nor lucky or that if I ever had been my luck, very suddenly, had run out.

Oh, it's not that I had such a blessed an easy life up until that point. I was raised by a single mother at a time when that little feat earned you the moniker of Bastard in a shitty little house in what my husband has referred to as a slum. I was mocked for being poor. My mother worked two jobs and I never saw her and nothing I ever did was ever good enough. Oh yes...And she thought I was fat.

Somehow, though, things worked out for the best most of the time. Mostly because I was smart and worked hard. I got through school, got a scholarship, and got the Hell out of Dodge.

Anyway, things worked out okay. Not exactly the life I'd envisioned, but I ended up with a career I loved, married to a pretty cool guy, I converted to Catholicism, we bought our first house, and we were starting what I imagined would be a pretty cool life filled with friends, a family of our making, faith, and more good things than I had ever imagined. I was happy. All the time. Joyful. Optimistic. Loved. Loving.

Right after we moved into our house, I learned that I was pregnant with our first child. We had been married for a year and though it was a bit sooner than we planned, I was excited. And scared. But mostly just excited and trusting that it must be God's will.

Fast forward several weeks and there I was spending a weekend spotting and knowing that I was losing my baby – listening to a doctor tell me over the phone "If you're having a miscarriage – and you probably are – there is nothing we can do about it anyway. You just have to let nature take its course. You're not that far along. It happens."

It happens. Oh. Yes. Death. It happens. All the fucking time.

So, I spent Monday, September 10, 2001 at the hospital having another much more compassionate doctor confirm that I had lost the baby, having over 20 vials of blood drawn, making the logistical arrangements for a D & C scheduled for the next morning, and feeling so hollow from the experience that I simply didn't actually feel anything.

And then, the next day, I started feeling again. Pain. Heartache. A gut-wrenching sorrow that has never gone away. I only bury it until some other horrible thing splits my heart in two again and it all comes spilling out.

Best friends moving far away. Death. War. The death of a friend's child. Worrying constantly about a child and feeling helpless. PPD. Losing new friends and not knowing why. Feeling like I've wasted my life, somehow missed a calling but not having a clue what it was. Always wanting something that seems just out of reach but not knowing what it is. Constantly wishing I could turn back the hands of time and do things differently. Feeling like a failure...as a wife, as a mother, as anything that matters.

It seems that ever since September 10, 2001, there have been innumerable little setbacks, disappointments that by themselves would not matter. Yet, stacked one upon the other they have mounted into a stack of trouble I can no longer carry.

I know that hidden in there are beautiful gems of joy. My beautiful husband. My two perfect little boys. Friends. Music. Books and stories. Nature. My faith in God.

But for some reason, right now I'm realizing that the pain weighs more than the joy. And I'm so tired. I want to put it down. I want to start off again. Fresh and rested and light.

I just don't know how. And I find myself so angry all the time. Angry at all the people who have never had to see or feel or carry the pain in this world. The ones who have it easy. Of course, I know that's not helping my case, but, as my sons would say, stamping their feet, "It's not fair!"

Why does God burden some of us more than others? And what do I do with desire to smack the smug smiles off the faces of those who do have it so easy? I don't want to feel this way. It's not who I am. It's not who I used to be.

I want my Joy back.

I pray that tomorrow comes with the blessings I need to right my ship and find my way, quickly, back to my joy. Father, open my heart and mind to your gifts and protect me from the sorrow and grief, the anger and fear that threaten to consume me. Thank you for the time I sent with my boys tonight, for the beautiful full moon, and the gift of words. And wherever she is, bless my baby girl. Amen.

With a Little Help from My Friends: Music (& Money) Monday

Today, I'm combining a couple of things. Music – my first true love – and friendship.

My friend Daryl whom I've known since we were 12 has been battling non-Hodgkins Lymphoma for a couple of  years. In May, he had a bone marrow transplant. Because he works for a non-profit, Daryl is uninsured. Also, because having a bone marrow transplant essentially takes out your whole immune system for a while, Daryl cannot go back to work. He and his partner, Danny, are doing their best to survive financially and emotionally during this trying time. To help pay Daryl's medical bills and make ends meet, they are raising money through an organization called ChipIn that allows individuals and groups to easily raise money online. If you can help, please click the link below to make a donation.



And, in the meantime, enjoy one of my favorite songs about the power of friendship.

Back in the Saddle Again: The Summer Hiatus is Over

Well, I'll be gosh-darned if it hasn't been a while!

Yes, I am back from my late-spring, early summer hiatus. It happens most every year. The kids are out of school and I'm trying to balance my freelance work and responsibilities as a mom and something has to give. Unfortunately, it's usually blogging. I still, after all these years have not found the perfect balance. Yet, I continue to seek it.

To make matters all the more challenging, I've thrown a part-time job working as an office manager at a local company into the mix. Just for the comfort of a regular, albeit small, paycheck. After all, Fernbank memberships and Chick-fil-A kids' meals don't pay for themselves and I figure my hard-working husband deserves a  hand paying for some of these things.

Starting this week, however, I'm going to work on balancing the things I love (playing with my kids, writing for fun) with the things I do because I love my family (cleaning house, working for a paycheck).

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to work hard to adhere to the editorial calendar and guidelines I set for myself a while ago and try to start posting daily again. We'll see how it goes.

BBQ is Not a Verb, Y'all! A Review of Moe's Original BBQ in Atlanta

As any good Catholic girl or boy might do when preparing for Lent, the 40 days leading up to Easter, I thought long and hard about the Lenten sacrifice I would make. The last few years I've tried to adopt good habits like daily mass, daily prayer, or daily acts of kindness and compassion, but this year, I decided I would actually make a true sacrifice by giving up meat for 40 days.

I knew that at every meal as I had to think about how to prepare or buy a meatless meal, I would actually think about the reason I had sacrificed something. I did great, eating no meat except fish, until I was invited to review a new BBQ restaurant here in Atlanta. And sadly, that's just an unfair temptation to a Southern girl's heart. With all apologies to Jesus, I went to the media tasting at Moe's Original BBQ at 349 14th Street in Midtown just three days before my fast would be over. I sincerely felt bad about it, but boy, was it good!

Now, let me get this out of the way. I've mentioned it before...I don't really like chain restaurants and rarely eat at them with the exception of taking the kids out for lunch. That said, the fact that Moe's Original BBQ is a chain did not faze me all that much once I stepped into the joint which is housed in the renovated Kool Korners Grocery location near Georgia Tech and smelled the 'cue cookin' in all its smoky glory.

The location itself isn't "lived in" enough yet, but I've seen plenty of places near Tech get that shabby-chic, lived-in and well-loved look quickly enough. And with a Wednesday Ladies' Night and Thursday night Team Trivia along with the occasional music on Friday and Saturday nights, it won't take long.

Of course, the food itself will be the biggest draw. I had a very hard time deciding what to order, but ultimately went with a basic pulled pork platter. I also tried the smoked Buffalo wings and my new vegetarian fave, the BBQ Tofu sandwich. In a word....Amazing!

Of course, the menu is ample with selections ranging from the basic pulled pork and ribs, to the more adventurous  Shrimp Moeboy sandwich, Mahi Mahi and catfish.

The pulled pork had a great smoky flavor, but most importantly, it was super moist, even before I put any sauce on it. All of their meats (and the tofu!) are smoked on site. I was curious since the company bills itself as serving "Bama-style" BBQ, a style of 'cue with which I was previously unaware. Having lived my whole life in the South, I am well familiar with the various styles of 'cue and sauce. Hell, my home state of Tennessee is known for favoring two very different styles, but even my husband and my dear friend Lucy who are both from Alabama weren't sure what style of BBQ their home state would be noted for, both pointing to Dreamland BBQ as a reference.

After talking with Brett, one of the owners of the Atlanta Moe's BBQ, I learned that part of the reason they call theirs "Bama" style is the fact that the restaurant originated in Tuscaloosa and the other being that Alabama, like Georgia, is something of a melting pot of BBQ styles. I must say, I liked what I had. A lot. And yes, they do offer a white sauce on request, though it does come with the uniquely delicious chicken wings, as a delightful alternative to bleu cheese. It also came on the BBQ Tofu sandwich along with their red sauce, which was the perfect blend of sweet and spicy. I always have to mix sauces at most places to find the taste I'm looking for, but this sauce was, in the words of my foodie twin Goldilocks, just right.

As far as sides go, I only tried the mac-and-cheese which was pretty good, and the marinated slaw which was out of this world. I like a little more brightness to my mac-and-cheese, but it was nice and moist and cheesy, not bland or starchy in the ways it so often can be when ill prepared. The slaw was truly fantastic with bits of jalapeño mixed into a blend of red and green cabbage and the standard slaw mix which is all then marinated overnight in their vinegar-based dressing. Good stuff. I look forward to going back and trying their banana pudding, the only dessert I saw offered. Oh! And I almost forgot. Cornbread. They serve cornbread with their platters which is a little different from what I'm accustomed to around here. It was good, though I prefer a slightly less sweet cornbread. The sweetness was cut by bits of jalapeño throughout and it was moist. I can forgive overly sweet cornbread, but will not abide that which is too dry.

Finally, as a parent, I also have to give a shout out to the kid-friendliness of this place. Due to its proximity to GA Tech, I'd be inclined to get in and out of there before 8 p.m. since Moe's does offer a full bar and lots of drink specials, but it's just the right kind of open, loud (in the best possible way), bright, fun space that welcomes kids and families as well as the Midtown lunchtime crowd and happy, good-time seeking college students. There's also a deck, which although it wasn't open when I was there because they didn't have their custom-made deck furnishings yet, should also be a great place to hang this summer, with or without the wee ones in tow.

I'll definitely be heading back and despite my misgivings about chains hope they'll open a second Atlanta store in my neck of the woods.

He Gets That from Me: Pictures of This Year's Star Wars Cake

It must be Star Wars week here at Belle of the Blog, because today I'm going to share with y'all some more tips for a Star Wars birthday party so you can create the party of his dreams for that special six to 10-year old boy in your life. For the record, this was my third Star Wars birthday party, so it's getting to be old hat for me. In fact, this year, I was feeling so confident about it, that we decided to wing it as far as games and activities are concerned. At seven and eight, I kind of felt like the kids are old enough just to entertain themselves without the need for a lot of games or activities. So, until the pizza arrived, the boys and one girl, entertained themselves playing with Brendan's extensive collection of Star Wars action figures and Legos.

The star of this year's party, other than my adorable birthday boy of course, was definitely the cake. Brendan has decided that he likes my cakes better than any bakery's (yay!), but this year that meant tackling a challenging theme: Hoth. For those of you who don't remember (or whose children aren't obsessed with the great sci-fi trilogy), Hoth is the ice planet in The Empire Strikes Back. When Brendan first told me he wanted a Hoth cake, I was hopeful that it would be easy. It's a planet covered in snow! I could ice it with white frosting and stick a Lego set  that we already had on top. I'm no professional decorator. I dabble. I play at cake decorating. I have fun with it. But I don't know what the heck I'm doing.

Nope. Brendan didn't want me to use his Lego set. He wanted something else. But he didn't know what exactly. So, after much careful consideration and thought about what I was capable of, I decided to recreate the scene where Han Solo's Tauntaun dies and he... uses it... to save Luke Skywalker. I actually combined it with this backdrop:

I know. I know. Star Wars purists will be offended, but I wanted it to be obvious we were on Hoth and it was getting complicated.

So, how did the cake turn out? Well, what do you think? I know it's not totally perfect, but for my first time working with gum paste, well, let's just say, it could have turned out much worse.

In case, you can't tell, Han is actually an action figure, not gum paste. The towers and the tauntaun are gum paste that I dyed (in the case of the large beast) using gel based food coloring. For the record, gum paste, at least the kind I used, tastes like sweetened sweat socks.

But, it's great for making 3-D figures on a cake. I guess fondant might work, but I've never tried to work with it and this was pretty easy.

The kids loved it but the Yoda Soda was a bit less of a hit than it was in first grade. Different kids, different tastes.

I'm hoping next year I get to branch out and try something else. Although, I do have this crazy aspiration to make a Death Star cake.

Music Monday: Tatooine

No, I didn't fall off the face of the Earth. I've just been busy with Life... looking for a steady job, taking care of sick kids, some volunteer work, starting pee-wee flag football with my youngest, and various and sundry other projects.

Sadly, I did fall off the 31DBBB wagon somewhere around Day 19. So close! Maybe I can pick it up again.

Anyway, I just very quickly in the last hours of the day wanted to squeeze in this amazing video. I love this song by Jeremy Messersmith so much and the video by artist Eric Power really, truly brings joy to my heart each time I see it!

Enjoy!

Fabulous Friday: You Light Up My Life

My husband picks on me sometimes because I so often look outside myself for inspiration and guidance. You'd think that as an only child, I'd be more independent and less reliant on others. But I'm not. Sue me. I take my inspiration wherever I can find it. Sunny day. Wise words from a close friend. Self-help books. And blogs.

The last 3 weeks or so, I've found some great inspiration in the SITSGirls community for bloggers. One blogger in particular has inspired me with her enthusiasm, tirelessness and work ethic, the long list of all she does – including caring for a daughter with special needs – and the leadership she has shown as moderator for the SITSGirls 31 Days to Build a Better Blog challenge. Shelley, from I'm Still Standing, is an awe-inspiring person who just does what needs doing. She makes me feel like I can do anything, too.

Every day I think, I don't know if I can finish this, but then I see all that Shelley does and I read her daily posts that are written with such joy and light and I think, "Well, I have to do this. If Shelley can do it with all the other things she has going on, I can do it." And I do. Then, I feel happier and closer to my own personal goals.

Thank you, Shelley, for sharing all that you do and for being a great leader on this journey to a better blog!

Stupid Kid: Father Threatens Lawsuit Over Kid's Dumbass Facebook Postings

Being in the midst of confronting my own discipline challenges with my son, I was struck dumb by a story I read in yesterday's Atlanta Journal-Constitution

The story is about three middle school students who posted disparaging – and possibly career ending – statements about a teacher at their school on their Facebook pages. The statements ranged from saying the teacher was a pedophile and rapist to stating that the teacher was bipolar.

The school, rightly in my opinion, suspended the students because their statements were not grounded in any sort of truth and were disruptive to the learning environment at the school.

Of course, one of the kids' fathers is furious and says the school had no right to suspend the kids, calling it a violation of their privacy. They're considering a lawsuit says the father.

Ridiculous. Right?

Maybe not. Apparently, there is a precedent for allowing mouthy high school students who have no respect for anyone other than their selves to get away with slandering teachers or whoever else they want to via Facebook. Granted, what Katherine Evans said about her English teacher is not quite as bad as what these Georgia boys have done, it's still utterly disrespectful and instead of allowing her to move forward with a lawsuit her parents might have served both their daughter and society better by teaching her to mind her manners and show a little respect for the rest of the world.

Anyone who claims that getting in trouble for something you write on Facebook is a violation of your privacy is a fool. If you put it out there on a public profile you have no right to privacy. If you had a private account and the school hacked your account and read your postings, that's something else entirely. But that's not what happened in either of these cases.

I expect and try to teach my sons to care about others, to show them respect, and not say bad things about them. To that end, I try not to speak badly of people in front of my kids. If I found out either of them created a Facebook page (or whatever the cool means of communication is when their teenagers) that said ugly things about a teacher, a fellow student, or their archnemesis, I would put a stop to it immediately and they would have to go apologize in person to the person they hurt. Then, they would have their Facebook privileges taken away. Children, as I learn more and more every day, need structure and parental guidance – not parents who always tell them they're right even at the cost of someone else's dignity.

What say you?


Do kids (or adults) have a right to trash anyone they want to in a public medium with no consequences for their actions?


If your kid did something like this and got suspended would you sue or would you punish your child?

Teach Your Children: Regaining Control of Your Household

Between my attempting to work a little more and volunteering, Scott's traveling for work and hectic  schedule of long hours and the occasional night or weekend on call, Brendan's daily homework grind, and all the rest of our rat race, we've run into a bit of a discipline void.

Brendan, always my challenging boy, has been pushing every button I own and testing all the boundaries, which I will admit, are always a bit loose. As Alexandria over at Before the Baby Wakes put it, I subscribe to a Free to Be Us parenting style. I've tended to err too far on the side of not wanting to crush my child's spirit. Right up until the point where his spirit is really pissing me off and I blow up. Not good.

In thinking about how and why things have gotten so out of control, I see clearly that it has been my lack of consistency in disciplining and setting rules.

Because of Brendan's dyspraxia and all the associated frustrations he experienced before we had a diagnosis, I learned, as did he, that sometimes it's just easier for mommy to give in and perform the task at hand for the child. It can make things go a lot faster when you're trying to get out the door. Unfortunately, kids don't compartmentalize so well and now there are lots of things that my 8-year old should do for himself that he still wants or expects me to do and when I refuse, it turns into a huge power struggle.

We're also dealing with his smart mouth. I've tried reasoning with him on the issue, telling him it's unacceptable, rude, he hurts my feelings, etc. At my wits' end, I've been tempted to pull out the hot sauce or the soft soap and use them when he sasses, but instead, I'm regrouping.

Today, I made a list of our house rules and the consequences of not following those rules. I made it as a reminder for myself as much as I did as an instructional tool for the boys. I have a real problem with deciding in the heat of the moment what an acceptable punishment for a particular misbehavior should be. I figured if I define it for myself and let the kids know what will happen if they talk back or fail to pick up their toys when I ask, it will be easier for all of us and lead (I hope!) to a calmer, happier  household.

I'm also reading John Rosemond's Parent Power and hope to get some new insight from that.

I just hope it's not too late.

What discipline challenges have you faced?
How did you fix the problem?
Do you feel that you were successful?

A Change Will Do You Good

So....


Welcome to the new, and I hope you'll agree, improved digs. What do y'all think?


As y'all may know, I'm participating in the 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge. One of the tasks was to create an editorial calendar for your blog, which I did. In the process of reading about forming an editorial calendar, I saw a couple of experts who recommended themed days. They claim readers like that. A lot. Although, most of the popular blogs I read don't do that. Now. Perhaps they did in their infancy, but I don't know. All I know is this... I generally find themed days kind of cheesy and not really my style.


But guess what? I think change is good and I feel like spicin' things up around here. So, to that end, I'm going to give themed blog posts a trial run. There's no guarantee that I won't have a random I-must-post-this-today-even-though-it's-Recipe-Day-and-this-is-not-a-recipe-day here and there, but for the most part, I'm going to try and stick to this for a while and see how it works. 


Here's my current plan:

Musical Mondays: Review or share a new band, piece of music I love, or video.

Tasty Tuesdays: Recipes, kids’ party info, or information about food and health; relate to parenting

Wordy Wednesdays: A longer feature on parenting

Take That Thursdays: A review or opinion piece

Fabulous Fridays: Shout Outs or Inspiring Things and/or People

Spontaneous Saturday: Anything goes

Spiritual Sunday: Faith, inspiration, and reflection

Of course, I want to know what you think. 


Are themed posts a good idea? Like? Dislike? What do you do on your blog? 


And what do you think of the new design?


Do share!







P.S. A shout out to Jacqui of Wacky Jacqui's Designs for the new look! 

New Chance Blues: Music Makes It All Better

Would it be going too far to say that music is my master, to use a phrase my son loves? That a favorite song can lift me out of the doldrums or gird me in a blanket of commiseration when I need to go through, instead of around, my own heartache?

If you know me well enough, you'd say yes.

I can be in the worst mood, feeling lost, totally adrift, and the right music can pull me back to the safety of the shore. No matter what the problem, music can overpower it, giving me a new chance to get beyond it.

Such was the case last Saturday when the hormones struck, pushing me under the tidal wave of Lost Hope and Depression. I found myself frustrated and hopeless about everything from the fact that I haven't succeeded in Life in the ways I want  to the sad existence of my four eight-year old post-baby pooch, which admittedly is waaaaaay smaller than it once was, but is. still. there.

Oh yeah. And I was also pissed off because there are people who are younger than me. How dare they be in their early 30s just starting their families when I'm in my very early 40s with a pre-pre-teen with a smart mouth?! (I must pause to say that I really wish I knew how to type an interrobang!)

So...I spent a good 45 minutes Saturday night on the way to Athens, bemoaning the sorry state of my existence and listening to my very wise husband explain to me the error of my ways, offering some pretty good advice and some crazy advice (Hire a housecleaner to clean so you can work more. Uh...I actually need to be working more first so I can pay the housekeeper.).

By the time we got to Athens, I was willing the tears pricking the backs of my eyes not to tumble forth and embarrass me in front of the friends we were meeting. I was also counting the moments until we took our seats in UGA's Hodgson Hall and  Punch Brothers came on stage. I knew the music would make it all better.

And did it ever. What an amazing bunch of talent! From the first notes of You Are to Chris Thile's playing a beautiful Bach piece by himself as the first song of their encore, I was transported. Nothing mattered more than the last note Thile sang on their song Alex. There was never anything more fun and exuberant than the raucous fun of Rye Whiskey or more beautiful than the harmonies those four sexy young gentlemen sang on their rendition of  The Beatles' Paperback Writer. When I'm listening to good music, I am right there and no where else.

No worries about anything. Just the moment.

The show flew by and while I wanted more (I always want more!), I couldn't be sad because it was absolutely one of the best shows I've seen in years. And I had seen Punch Brothers at the Variety in the fall. Better than that one, even. Except for the part where we were sitting down. I'm a get up and dance kind of girl.

Still, though.... A magical evening, made better by being with friends we don't often see, by being in Athens,  and the great drinks at Highwire after the show.


Now I'm counting down until the next show. Scott has a few coming up including a show in Nashvegas and playing at Finster Fest this spring. I can't wait. Until then, it's up to the iPod to carry me away.

Get The Party Started: iTunes Giveaway at I'm Still Standing for SITSGirls 31DBBB Participants

Shelly, special needs mom, advocate, blogger extraordinaire, and all-around amazing woman, as well as  host of the February 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge at SITSGirls wants you to come to the party. The blogging party, that is.

Over the course of the last 10 days or so (the challenge began on Feb. 1, but we only have exercises on weekdays), Shelly has led us through Darren Rowse's ProBlogger Book, one lesson at a time. So far, I've refined my elevator pitch, been reminded of the power of networking, and of using available resources like Google Alerts and forums to which you already belong, as well as using a variety of different writing techniques, like lists, to spice up your blog. I found it very useful to be reminded of the importance of internal linking which I tend to overlook, but the most important thing I've gained since starting this exercise is inspiration and a framework within which to make the changes I need to make.

For too long, I was of the mind that "If you write it, they will come." I thought about what I was writing, but not how I was presenting the information or how I was marketing it. For a while I did work to build genuine relationships with other bloggers, but I see now how much more effort is required if I want to grow this blog and build a shared community for other like-minded fellows. (For the record, I do.)

Even though I had to play catch-up because I started late and I've had other writing projects this week that caused me to do days 7 & 8 and 9 & 10 of the challenge on the same days, I'm still in the game and having fun.

And so are a lot of other bloggers! I've been impressed with both the quantity and quality of the other bloggers participating. To celebrate our making it 1/3 of the way through the challenge, Shelly is giving    away a $20 iTunes gift card to one blogger who posts about the challenge and comments on her blog.

It's still not too late to join the challenge, either...

You Are Not Alone in This: Overcoming Anger and Frustration

If you had known me when I was in college and witnessed me being angry, you might have feared me or my anger. I was, not merely a yeller, but a thrower, too. Push me too far and I would pick up the first thing I could wrap my hands around and hurl it at your head. Just ask the trashiest girl from my college class whom I found hanging out in my boyfriend's dorm room one afternoon. Or my friend J.'s boyfriend who provoked me to throw my shoe at his head because he thought it would be funny to hold me upside down over a stairwell.

Don't worry. Anger gives you bad aim and the sane can duck really well, apparently. I don't remember ever making contact with anyone's head.

Over the years, I've learned to control my anger. I breathe. I think about the consequences of how I express my anger. Sometimes I stifle. I still get mad about stuff most people would let roll of their backs.

I hate noise. I hate being disrespected or ignored. I hate it when people act superior. I get mad and I rant and I yell.

I'm not proud of any of this and I've worked really hard to change, but I fell the need to continue growing in this area. I'm pretty much to the point where I only yell when I feel like one of the boys isn't listening or doing as they are told. Which is pretty much every day.

Obviously, this technique isn't working. In the last few weeks, I have found myself pausing when I feel the rush and swell of emotion rising up from my gut to my chest, the muscles in my arms and hands clenching. I pause and I ask myself if the situation really warrants that level of anger. Then, I take a breath and move forward trying to correct the situation without yelling. Sometimes I find myself talking through clenched teeth, especially when trying to get homework done each day with a child who would rather be doing anything other than homework, but for the most part I am acting rationally. Still, at this point, it's an effort, not my natural reaction. But, it's forward progress and a long way from the days I would get so angry I ended up in tears.

In thinking about how to change some of my behaviors, I found this post by Shannon at The Discipline Project. I like her simple approach, but fear it won't be that effective on me. Sadly, I don't usually hesitate to yell at my kids in front of other parents. I am who I am. I could pretend my mother-in-law was here, though. That might actually work. I do think it's the kind of idea that is profound in its simplicity and might actually work. A twist on it for me is to think about what God would say to me about my behavior and if I could proudly stand before God after yelling at my kids.

Whatever works. I am thankful to Shannon for the inspiration. It's always good to know there are others walking the path with you, reaching out a hand of hope and that you can in turn do the same one day. And as I remind myself every morning... Today is a new day and new opportunity to be the woman I want to be.

Dance Like Nobody's Watching

There I was, in the middle of my first Zumba class, surrounded mostly by strangers as I tripped over my own feet, trying to figure out what "one-two-double-double" meant. I watched the woman next to me, trying to figure it out since I couldn't see the instructor for the 6'3", middle-aged African-American man between me and her. He had some nice moves, but I don't trust men in exercise classes to follow along correctly. I don't know why, but I don't. Sue me.


Soon, I was too distracted by what a good dancer the woman beside me was to follow her footwork. She was too fast. And her booty shakin'... Well, let's just say there's a stripper-pole somewhere out there waiting for her talents. She was so good, that after just one song our instructor singled her out and asked her to come up to the front.  I never would have suspected it. I know her. She's just another member of the PTA at my son's school. A mom, just like me.


I gave up on her and started looking around. Eventually I maneuvered myself into a position so that I could actually see the instructor. She was good. Clearly, a professional dancer with all the grace and mad-dancing  skills of a Solid Gold dancer, but in workout instructor form. I tried to follow her, counting in my head, "one-two-three-four," and things were going pretty well and then she switched moves, just when I was getting the hang of it, and... Boom! There goes the dynamite. There I go crashing into the very tall lady next to me, moving right as she came left. 



GIFSoup


We both laughed and I resisted the strong urge to beat myself up for being an uncoordinated dolt. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and just let my body feel the rhythm of the music for a moment. I looked up, found the instructor, and dove back in, doing my best to follow along and moving continuously, even if I didn't know how to move my feet exactly like hers. I just let the music get inside my body and let myself have fun with no worries of how stupid I looked or that I wasn't as good of a dancer as the other men and women in the class. I cha-cha-cha'd to fast-moving Latin grooves and shook my money-maker to T-Pain and the Black Eyed Peas. And it felt good. 

At the end of the class I felt good. I felt like I had a great workout. And I felt happy in a way I never could have 20 years ago when I would have left the class, tears of embarrassment burning behind my eyes, the first time I took a misstep. I would have been too wrapped up in what everyone else was thinking of me to let myself go and enjoy myself.


This was really a revelation to me and it got me thinking... I'd love to hear your thoughts:


Are there things you want to do but don't because you worry about how it will make you look or what others will think?


Have your inhibitions or self-restrictions lessened or increased with age?


If you loved yourself enough to do anything you wanted without regard to what others might think, what would you do?

Ten Steps to Being a Happier, More Balanced Mommy

I recently watched an episode of The Simpsons with my family. In the episode, Marge reconnects with her "mommy" friends and starts creating a social life for herself outside her family. My favorite part of the episode is animation of Marge's brain, showing the different segments of her life. A very large chunk of her brain is labeled "Repressed Rage," but after just a few moments of hanging out with her friends, that part of her brain is pushed aside by the part labeled "Social Life."

My oldest boy interpreted Marge and the other moms as "hating their kids," because they wanted to spend time with each other and not be with their kids every moment of every day. I explained, of course, that was far from the case and that like me, even those cartoon moms love their kids, however, moms are people, too. I explained that it makes me happy to spend time with my friends or go places by myself and do things I like to do, just like he enjoys playing with his friends and doing the things he finds fun.

It took me the first two years of his life to realize that and start trying to find a sense of balance and sometimes even now, eight years in, I feel like I don't have the full and richly balanced life I want. But I try. I know that if I have things in my life that matter to me besides my kids, things that make me think and breathe and feel and wonder and use skills other than my parenting smarts, I am a happier person. I am woman, wife, lover, friend, cousin, writer, creator, dreamer, and believer. Not just mommy, cleaner of spills and wiper of bottoms, storyteller and consoler. If I model a balanced life for my sons, hopefully they will one day strive to create lives of their own that balance responsibility with their passions.

If you're a new mom or if you've found yourself stuck in the mommy rut, never leaving your house except to grocery shop, never talking about anything other than your kids or to anyone other than your kids, and more or less feeling like you don't know who you are any more, here are a few ideas to help you reconnect with yourself and rebuild a complete life that celebrates your role as mother and allows you to be fully who you are:

1. Spend some quiet time alone each day or as often as you can, doing nothing.

2. Pray or meditate.

3. Learn to say no to your children.

4. Resume a hobby you put aside, like writing, reading for pleasure, painting, playing music, etc.

5. Take a class.

6. If you're married or live with your significant other, let your partner get up with the kids when they awake early or in the night.

7. Turn off the Laurie Berkner and listen to music you love. (Watch the lyrics, though!)

8. Plan at least one night alone with your partner each week or bi-weekly at the very least. (If you can't afford a sitter, trade with friends. Or put the kids to bed early and have hubby pick up some take out. Turn off the t.v., put on your favorite music, and just talk.) If you're single, plan a night out with a friend or friends once a week or so to unwind and be with other adults (besides your co-workers!).

9. Read. Books. Magazines. Online newspapers. Let yourself be informed and entertained and feel like you know about something other than Sesame Street or Yo Gabba Gabba.

10. Exercise. Whether it's a walk around the block, a Stroller Strides class, Zumba, training for a marathon, or lifting weights, find a fitness routine that helps you burn off frustsration and do something good for yourself.

And always remember to be kind  to yourself. Parenting is hard work and whether you're a stay-at-home mom or work outside the home, there are few breaks from it, at least until your kids start school and that requires a different kind and level of mental energy. Just remember the person you were before having kids and know she's still in there and all the better for being a mommy.

The SITS Girls 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge: Day 1

I've been blogging for nearly eight years now, sometimes with great frequency and passion, other times rarely and only then because I felt like I had to.


This year I decided I wanted to recommit to writing and recommit to this blog. I'm hoping to rebuild it from the ground up. I have a designer working on a new look and I plan to write, if not daily, at least thrice weekly. 


To get things moving along, I decided (two days late!) to participate in the SITS Girls 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge. 


Day 1's challenge is to write an elevator pitch, both a short one and a long one. So, here goes:


Short Pitch: Tales of Domestic Divahood from Down South. (Tagline/pitch)
Long Pitch: Parenting is a blessing, but it's not always easy. Belleoftheblog.net provides inspiration and a place where you can tell it or hear it like it is. I write about family, friends, food, music... a little of this and a little of that with the occasional review or product giveaway thrown in for good measure.


Thoughts? Praise? Criticism? Bring it on!

One Angry Dwarf

Dear Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Georgia and Pfizer Pharmaceuticals,

This is an open letter to request that you butt out of my child's routine healthcare, other than to pay the bills, BC, which is what you get paid to do. Pfizer... Well, no one asked for your opinion.

Our family has a pediatrician who tends to all my child's healthcare needs that can't be met by me or Mother Nature. Our doctor is outstanding. You know, unlike your marketing department, Pfizer, whose primary agenda is making money for your shareholders while putting lives at risk with off-label marketing and pushing through drugs that haven't been thoroughly tested, he went to medical school and actually knows a thing or two about keeping kids healthy.

When I take either of my children into his office for their well-child visits, I can assure you that he knows precisely which vaccines are due and he and I have been working together for at least 8 years now to ensure that my children receive the vaccines they need when they are scheduled, but that they are never given more than two vaccines at a time so that  – God forbid – should there be a toxic reaction to a vaccine, we can more readily determine which vaccine caused it.

The phone calls and letters "informing" me that my son has missed "an important vaccine," that appear to be coming from Blue Cross, but which are actually paid for by Pfizer, as noted in the fine print, are wholly unwelcome and dare I say, a conflict of interest on behalf of you, Blue Cross. First of all, is it not a violation of HIPPA for you to sell my private information to a drug company and then allow them to market their products to me under your name?

Blue Cross and Pfizer, I am not an idiot. Nor are most parents. We do not need you looking over our shoulders, or those of our trusted family physicians, telling us what drugs we need to take, all in the name of making your CEOs and shareholders richer.

I am not some crunchy mom who fails to see the life-saving importance of having my child inoculated against the world's deadliest diseases. I am, however, quite well-informed about the vaccines my children need and those that are of questionable use. Moreover, the vaccine you are pushing, Prevnar 13, while quite beneficial in the fact that it protects against bacteria that are drug-resistant, has only just come onto the market in the last month and a half, yet despite this fact, was indeed, given to my son at his last well-child visit three weeks ago.

If you want to market your new drug, market it directly to physicians rather than using scare tactics with parents to make them feel as if they have somehow failed their children. And if you're going to market it directly to patients or their parents, at least be sure they haven't already received it before you waste their time.

By the way, I'll be contacting my congressional representatives about this. Not that it will do much good since I'm sure you're both lining their pockets as well, but at least I will have voiced my opinion about your unscrupulous methods and maybe, just maybe, someone will care enough about real people to stop you.

Sincerely yours,

One Angry Mother