It is difficult for me to believe that what passes for summer today is in any way related to the summers I knew as a child. Although many of my memories are blurred around the edges, others remain pristine in their clarity and I play them out in my mind like an old home movie.
There I am, riding my bike around the neighborhood or to the park, alone. I'm probably nine. I ride my bike to my friend Neece's (pronounced like niece-y, short for Glenice) house and then we go to get a couple of other friends and soon a group of four or five girls tear through the neighborhood, pedaling as fast as we can, pretending to be Charlie's Angels or the Dukes of Hazzard.
I see a blanket of sunny days with brown-skinned arms and legs that would merit being told I was brown as a biscuit. Mornings spent helping my grandmother in her garden followed by afternoons of playing tag or shadow tag, kickball and baseball with my cousins and the other kids our age in the neighborhood. A box elder tree, mailbox, a stone, and a silver maple tree served as our bases. After lunch, we'd walk to the store where 50 cents bought a Coke and a candybar or pack of Now and Laters or a pack of candy cigarettes. The afternoons bled into evenings of running around in the yard catching lightning bugs and putting them in a mayonnaise jar with holes poked in the metal lid. Then, we'd sit on the porch and eat watermelon, spitting seeds out into the yard. Or maybe my aunt and uncle would show up and we'd pile into the car, barefoot and giggling and go to the lake where we'd grill hamburgers and skim stones as we watched the sun set.
And with the exception of helping my grandmother in the garden, or having a meal prepared for us, or interacting with the clerk at the store, or being driven somewhere, there was nary a grown-up in the picture. We were self-sufficient. And trusted. And confident and competent. Because our parents trusted us and trusted the world we lived in.
Now, at five I wasn't riding my bike through the neighborhood or walking to the store or park alone. But I was walking across the street to my friend Scotty's house. And I was playing outside for hours on end by myself. I'm sure my grandmother poked her head out once in a while to make sure I was still there, but she wasn't hovering over me, making sure I was engaged and entertained in something constructive. I didn't have a summer reading list or daily flash card time. I was free to imagine and be and create my own worlds where I was a race car driver or a mommy or a veterinarian or a doctor. I climbed trees and sang songs and chased the dog and had the opportunity to be a kid in ways I didn't always get to.
We blame video games and TV for our kids lack of activity and creativity; the rise in obesity, and all the rest of society's ills. But really? Isn't it our fault? We're the ones cowed by fear of bad things happening to our children if they're out of our sight for an instant. And we're the ones who either don't have the time or the inclination to get up and get out and do things.
I'm not saying I do. Clearly, I'm sitting here typing and sounding off on a perfectly gorgeous sunny morning. But, when I finish my coffee and Kashi, I do plan to get my boys outside today. At least for a while.
I may not be able to recreate my idealized summer, especially since school begins August 11 (thanks Mr. President for your stupid NCLB). But, I want to do my best to create some fun memories for these guys and to allow them the opportunities to make their own memories as they become capable and secure in their abilities to do so.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Rocky Top
One little known fact about me – at least to people I've met the last five years or so – is that I am a huge sports fan. I love college football and college basketball and professional baseball and the NBA and once upon a time had the space in my brain to store names and positions and statistics and oddball anecdotes.
Then, I had kids.
All the space I reserved for sports has been filled with other trivia after a long stint as cold storage thanks to sleep deprivation. Where once there was room in my brain to have an opinion on whether Manning or Helton should be the number two behind Jerry Colquitt or who Duke should start against St. John's, or whether or not the Braves should trade Maddux and Glavine, now I have a broad and deep knowledge of all things geek.
I can name 20 different Pokemon on sight or by charades. I can name most of the Autobots and tell you what kind of vehicle they transform into. I know my Triceratops from my apatosaurus . I know more backstory on Spiderman, Venom, Carnage, Iron Man, Wolverine, Captain America, Silver Surfer, Dr. Doom, and the Fantastic Four than I do on a lot of my friends.
Now, though, I'm so excited about college football again that I might have to eke out some room for it this year. And it's all thanks to this man.
David Cutcliffe, is no doubt, a great football coach. He has coached and mentored two of the best quarterbacks in history and at two different schools. But he's also a good man. He and his wife, Karen, took in their son Chris' best friend when the boy's mother died.
Last week, after reading a story about how Coach Cut was changing attitudes about football at Duke and holding the administration and other coaches accountable for treating the football program with the same respect they want, I felt compelled to send the man a note to let him know that Duke football fans are really excited by his presence. (At least those of us who are dyed in the wool college football fans (i.e. the ones from the South) are.) Attached to my e-mail was a photograph of me holding Brendan at his first Duke football game. I never expected to hear anything back at all.
The next day, I got an e-mail from Coach Cutcliffe's secretary telling me the coach had something he wanted to send me and asking for my home address.
A few days later, we received a nice handwritten note from the coach along with a copy of my original photograph, blown up and autographed by Coach Cutcliffe.
It was a very sweet gesture and he certainly didn't have to do it or have his staff do it. But I think it shows what a great guy he is and I am very excited to have him at Duke. I can't wait for August 30th.
Go Duke!
Then, I had kids.
All the space I reserved for sports has been filled with other trivia after a long stint as cold storage thanks to sleep deprivation. Where once there was room in my brain to have an opinion on whether Manning or Helton should be the number two behind Jerry Colquitt or who Duke should start against St. John's, or whether or not the Braves should trade Maddux and Glavine, now I have a broad and deep knowledge of all things geek.
I can name 20 different Pokemon on sight or by charades. I can name most of the Autobots and tell you what kind of vehicle they transform into. I know my Triceratops from my apatosaurus . I know more backstory on Spiderman, Venom, Carnage, Iron Man, Wolverine, Captain America, Silver Surfer, Dr. Doom, and the Fantastic Four than I do on a lot of my friends.
Now, though, I'm so excited about college football again that I might have to eke out some room for it this year. And it's all thanks to this man.
David Cutcliffe, is no doubt, a great football coach. He has coached and mentored two of the best quarterbacks in history and at two different schools. But he's also a good man. He and his wife, Karen, took in their son Chris' best friend when the boy's mother died.
Last week, after reading a story about how Coach Cut was changing attitudes about football at Duke and holding the administration and other coaches accountable for treating the football program with the same respect they want, I felt compelled to send the man a note to let him know that Duke football fans are really excited by his presence. (At least those of us who are dyed in the wool college football fans (i.e. the ones from the South) are.) Attached to my e-mail was a photograph of me holding Brendan at his first Duke football game. I never expected to hear anything back at all.
The next day, I got an e-mail from Coach Cutcliffe's secretary telling me the coach had something he wanted to send me and asking for my home address.
A few days later, we received a nice handwritten note from the coach along with a copy of my original photograph, blown up and autographed by Coach Cutcliffe.
It was a very sweet gesture and he certainly didn't have to do it or have his staff do it. But I think it shows what a great guy he is and I am very excited to have him at Duke. I can't wait for August 30th.
Go Duke!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Mary, Mary
It's been almost a month since I planted my garden. I haven't taken any pictures of it since the first day.
I followed these guidelines for a beginner's vegetable garden on the Farmer's Almanac site to get started.
My neighbor, Mr. Martin, broke up the ground for me. He's an awesome neighbor with every kind of tool known to man just waiting around for someone to need it. After tilling the soil for me, he got out his chain saw and cut some branches off a couple of trees to let more sunlight into my garden space.
Once that was done, I amended the soil and got it ready to plant. All I did was put some lime down to counter the acidity of the pine needles that had previously covered the ground. The next day, I planted.
I planted pumpkins, yellow squash, cukes, tomatoes (cherry, Big Boy, and yellow), cantaloupes, leaf lettuce, carrots, beets, bush beans, zucchini, green onions, and I think that's all. I honestly don't remember and forgot to diagram it. So, we'll see.
Right now, everything I've named has sprouted. Some things (beans, squash, pumpkins, tomatoes) are thriving. The rest, not so much.
Send positive vibes my garden's way.
I'll keep you updated.
I followed these guidelines for a beginner's vegetable garden on the Farmer's Almanac site to get started.
My neighbor, Mr. Martin, broke up the ground for me. He's an awesome neighbor with every kind of tool known to man just waiting around for someone to need it. After tilling the soil for me, he got out his chain saw and cut some branches off a couple of trees to let more sunlight into my garden space.
Once that was done, I amended the soil and got it ready to plant. All I did was put some lime down to counter the acidity of the pine needles that had previously covered the ground. The next day, I planted.
I planted pumpkins, yellow squash, cukes, tomatoes (cherry, Big Boy, and yellow), cantaloupes, leaf lettuce, carrots, beets, bush beans, zucchini, green onions, and I think that's all. I honestly don't remember and forgot to diagram it. So, we'll see.
Right now, everything I've named has sprouted. Some things (beans, squash, pumpkins, tomatoes) are thriving. The rest, not so much.
Send positive vibes my garden's way.
I'll keep you updated.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Summertime
Today is the last day of school for Brendan's class. It's hard to believe that he'll be a Kindergartner next year. It would be a cliche to say how fast the years have flown by. I still feel like I'm just getting to know him, my smart, beautiful, imaginative little guy. Every day he surprises me with his ability to show and receive love.
I remember that last summer he lamented the fact that he, unlike many of his other friends, did not have a best friend. His teacher last year commented that unlike some of the other boys in his class, Brendan sometimes liked to play alone. How it has warmed my heart to watch him blossom this year ... to see him make friends and laugh and have a good time, to learn to write, draw, and count, to be well-liked by his teachers and fellow students, to find a best friend.
The pictures in the attached slideshow are some I took at the pre-K end-of-year party on Wednesday. It was a pool party and the children could not have had more fun! They ran from pool to pool, played on the Slip 'N Slide, ate pizza and popsicles, and generally had about as much fun as I've ever seen a bunch of kids having. I feel really lucky that I got to be there.
One of my favorite pictures in the slideshow is of Brendan with his best friend, Kush. They love each other in such a pure, unconditional way. Everyday when they see each other they hug. On Saturday, Brendan found a box here that a toy had come in. On the outside of the package were pictures of Spiderman and Venom. Brendan loves Spidey, but so does Kush, so Brendan asked if we could cut out the picture of Spiderman and take it to his friend. Of course we did. I am proud of my loving and giving little fellow, yet simultaneously surprised at how loving and giving he can be. But I guess that's what you do for your best friend.
As always, though, I've gotten ahead of myself, hoping they'll remain friends for a long, long time. Who knows? We'll see. Right now, it just brings me joy to see these two sweet boys and their friendship.
Friday, May 16, 2008
We're All In This Thing Together
I spent a much-needed evening with my girlfriends last night, playing Bunco, laughing, talking, eating delicious food, and drinking rum punch.
I got a little of that patchwork mothering and gave some myself. Today, I feel as if a reset button has been punched and all is right with the world. At least my tiny piece of it. Sadly, that much can't be said of the world at large. I am saddened about what a tragic week or two it has been in the world at large.
Here, though, on this tiny plot of earth, for this moment at least, I feel safe, happy, loved, and loving.
I'm done acting like a spoiled brat.
All the kids who got into that class deserve to be there. Maybe especially the more challenging ones like E., the jumping-bean of a boy who can't sit still.
I thought a lot about the fact that just a few months ago I didn't even want to apply because I was worried that it would harm Brendan socially because he'd have the same classmates for the next six years. I thought about the fact that his best friend, Kush, also didn't get in and I hope they'll get to be in the same class next year.
Like I said, we all end up where we're meant to be. Somehow.
Brendan's teacher reaffirmed this belief this morning when she said that no matter what class he's in he will succeed and do well. It made me very proud and happy to hear the confidence in her voice when she said that. And looking across the room at E., as he climbed into the middle of the table where his classmates were trying to draw, I hoped that he, too, would thrive and find success where he lands.
I got a little of that patchwork mothering and gave some myself. Today, I feel as if a reset button has been punched and all is right with the world. At least my tiny piece of it. Sadly, that much can't be said of the world at large. I am saddened about what a tragic week or two it has been in the world at large.
Here, though, on this tiny plot of earth, for this moment at least, I feel safe, happy, loved, and loving.
I'm done acting like a spoiled brat.
All the kids who got into that class deserve to be there. Maybe especially the more challenging ones like E., the jumping-bean of a boy who can't sit still.
I thought a lot about the fact that just a few months ago I didn't even want to apply because I was worried that it would harm Brendan socially because he'd have the same classmates for the next six years. I thought about the fact that his best friend, Kush, also didn't get in and I hope they'll get to be in the same class next year.
Like I said, we all end up where we're meant to be. Somehow.
Brendan's teacher reaffirmed this belief this morning when she said that no matter what class he's in he will succeed and do well. It made me very proud and happy to hear the confidence in her voice when she said that. And looking across the room at E., as he climbed into the middle of the table where his classmates were trying to draw, I hoped that he, too, would thrive and find success where he lands.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Another Brick in the Wall
Brendan did not get into the magnet Kindergarten class. I'm somewhat surprised by how disappointed I was over this. Twenty-three students from our district applied for 10 spots, while 63 students from outside our district applied for the additional 10 spots.
Of the kids currently in Brendan's pre-K class, only four got in.
When I saw the list, the worst base aspects of my personality rose up. I couldn't help but notice that two of the three boys whose moms have an exclusive little clique going on got in. And the worst kid in the class. The one who by all observation should be in a special needs class because he literally cannot sit still for five minutes. The one who climbed over and under and around and behind every table, desk, cabinet, filing cabinet, and play structure in the classroom while another mom and I tried to conduct story time. The one that I had to carry out of the boys' bathroom the day I volunteered as a lunch monitor because he refused to come back to class. Yeah. He'll really get a lot out of five day a week French lessons and extra math and science.
Then, I took a deep breath and decided that this was for the best. Somehow, we all end up right where we are meant to be.
Now, I just hope Brendan gets one of the two remaining good Kindergarten teachers and not the one with a reputation for sticking the kids in front of a video when she doesn't feel like teaching. I don't think anyone is actually meant to end up there.
Of the kids currently in Brendan's pre-K class, only four got in.
When I saw the list, the worst base aspects of my personality rose up. I couldn't help but notice that two of the three boys whose moms have an exclusive little clique going on got in. And the worst kid in the class. The one who by all observation should be in a special needs class because he literally cannot sit still for five minutes. The one who climbed over and under and around and behind every table, desk, cabinet, filing cabinet, and play structure in the classroom while another mom and I tried to conduct story time. The one that I had to carry out of the boys' bathroom the day I volunteered as a lunch monitor because he refused to come back to class. Yeah. He'll really get a lot out of five day a week French lessons and extra math and science.
Then, I took a deep breath and decided that this was for the best. Somehow, we all end up right where we are meant to be.
Now, I just hope Brendan gets one of the two remaining good Kindergarten teachers and not the one with a reputation for sticking the kids in front of a video when she doesn't feel like teaching. I don't think anyone is actually meant to end up there.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Motherless Child
I just stumbled on an extremely powerful and moving article over on CNN. It actually complements the post I wrote for Jen over at SemiCharmed Wife rather nicely.
It's about how to create a new mother for yourself if you feel like you haven't received the mothering you need. The article originally appeared in O Magazine. Author Martha Beck starts off by saying to change the way you think about the word mother so that you see it as a verb rather than a noun. Solid advice, I think.
Ultimately she goes on to suggest four lines of thought to determine if and where you still need mothering. I've listed her thought provoking statements below and follow each with my own initial reaction:
1) I feel useless, unlovable, and disgusting when ...
I lose my temper with my children and when I lose control over my domestic duties.
2) I feel empty and needy when ...
I am tired and sleep-deprived and feel like I have more to do than I can accomplish.
3) I feel stupid and ignorant when ....
I am late for appointments or forget events.
4) I feel helpless and incapable when ...
I have to ask for help completing a task that is my responsibility.
Basically, says Beck, if you had an immediate response for each of those, you need your mommy. Or at least the verisimilitude of a mother in your life. She suggests a patchwork mother.
It seems I already have a patchwork mommy, an amalgam of friends, family, and people I've never even met. Over the last month, I have received and am grateful for the mothering I received from certain friends ....
Stacey metaphorically held my hand via e-mail two weeks ago when I had freak out as a result of coming off the Zoloft I've been taking for the last year.
Courtney, my best friend for the last 14 years or so, gave me wonderful and sound advice about child psychology.
Fran and Jen both expressed belief in me and my writing skills.
Scott has helped me more with the house and kids the last couple of weeks and has been extremely encouraging of me as a writer and as a promoter of his music.
A.,Leila, Aleta, Just Me, and Jeremy all had good advice about our food battles.
And suddenly, I feel so loved and connected and at peace. For all my bitching and moaning about feeling alone and like a motherless child, I have been getting all the mothering I need.
It's about how to create a new mother for yourself if you feel like you haven't received the mothering you need. The article originally appeared in O Magazine. Author Martha Beck starts off by saying to change the way you think about the word mother so that you see it as a verb rather than a noun. Solid advice, I think.
Ultimately she goes on to suggest four lines of thought to determine if and where you still need mothering. I've listed her thought provoking statements below and follow each with my own initial reaction:
1) I feel useless, unlovable, and disgusting when ...
I lose my temper with my children and when I lose control over my domestic duties.
2) I feel empty and needy when ...
I am tired and sleep-deprived and feel like I have more to do than I can accomplish.
3) I feel stupid and ignorant when ....
I am late for appointments or forget events.
4) I feel helpless and incapable when ...
I have to ask for help completing a task that is my responsibility.
Basically, says Beck, if you had an immediate response for each of those, you need your mommy. Or at least the verisimilitude of a mother in your life. She suggests a patchwork mother.
It seems I already have a patchwork mommy, an amalgam of friends, family, and people I've never even met. Over the last month, I have received and am grateful for the mothering I received from certain friends ....
Stacey metaphorically held my hand via e-mail two weeks ago when I had freak out as a result of coming off the Zoloft I've been taking for the last year.
Courtney, my best friend for the last 14 years or so, gave me wonderful and sound advice about child psychology.
Fran and Jen both expressed belief in me and my writing skills.
Scott has helped me more with the house and kids the last couple of weeks and has been extremely encouraging of me as a writer and as a promoter of his music.
A.,Leila, Aleta, Just Me, and Jeremy all had good advice about our food battles.
And suddenly, I feel so loved and connected and at peace. For all my bitching and moaning about feeling alone and like a motherless child, I have been getting all the mothering I need.
Oh! What a Beautiful Morning
I was just sitting down to blog when Beckett awoke. So, it's off to get him out of bed and dressed, then we're off to Decatur to run some errands and go to the Blue Sky Concert on the square. Hopefully, the weather holds.
And hopefully, I will be able to write more later. I want to tell you all about my garden!
Happy day, y'all!
And hopefully, I will be able to write more later. I want to tell you all about my garden!
Happy day, y'all!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Just Got Lucky
I just received a phone call from my brother-in-law and had to take a break from working out to take the call and now blog about it because I am so grateful about the news I received I'm teary-eyed.
My mother-in-law had an arteriogram this morning to check for blockages in her heart. She had been having some palpitations and other issues and a stress test was inconclusive.
The doctors found no blockages in her heart and said the heart looks healthy. This, in my opinion, is nothing less than a miracle.
Both of her brothers (one older, one younger) have had by-pass surgeries in the last four years. Her mother died following open heart surgery two years ago. Compounding the issue is the fact that my mother-in-law is extremely overweight. When Scott and I began dating 12 years ago, she was only slightly overweight and really did a good job taking care of herself. Then she quit smoking and became focused on her grandchildren and stopped caring about herself it seemed. We've all talked to her and tried to encourage her. I've given her so many different diet and healthy living books it's not funny. Nothing has worked.
I pray that this is the wake up call, the second chance, that gets her to start taking care of herself. I love her like my own mother. And my boy adores her.
I want her to be around for him to have a relationship with. I want her to see all the milestones in his life. I don't want her to die.
I just wish she felt the same and would start making the changes that will keep her here a while longer.
My mother-in-law had an arteriogram this morning to check for blockages in her heart. She had been having some palpitations and other issues and a stress test was inconclusive.
The doctors found no blockages in her heart and said the heart looks healthy. This, in my opinion, is nothing less than a miracle.
Both of her brothers (one older, one younger) have had by-pass surgeries in the last four years. Her mother died following open heart surgery two years ago. Compounding the issue is the fact that my mother-in-law is extremely overweight. When Scott and I began dating 12 years ago, she was only slightly overweight and really did a good job taking care of herself. Then she quit smoking and became focused on her grandchildren and stopped caring about herself it seemed. We've all talked to her and tried to encourage her. I've given her so many different diet and healthy living books it's not funny. Nothing has worked.
I pray that this is the wake up call, the second chance, that gets her to start taking care of herself. I love her like my own mother. And my boy adores her.
I want her to be around for him to have a relationship with. I want her to see all the milestones in his life. I don't want her to die.
I just wish she felt the same and would start making the changes that will keep her here a while longer.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Hold On
What a random day I've had.
When I got up this morning I was overwhelmingly sad about all the conflict I've been having with Brendan lately. Is five the new two? I have spoken with some of the other moms of kids in his class and they all seem to be dealing with similar issues.
I went online and did some reading and came up with some new ideas for how to handle some of the stuff we're dealing with. I decided that I am not going to turn this food thing into a huge battle. I love the ideas that Jen and Just Me suggested. We've actually been saving his dinner and telling him he can have that, but he whines and cries and many a night, I forget to save it and throw it out, but at least we're getting better at it.
Anyway, I was just starting to think I could get a handle on this stuff when I got a call from Brendan's school saying he was sick and I should come get him. When I got there, he was sobbing because his stomach hurt and he could barely walk. I had to ask another parent to carry Beckett back out to the car while I carried Brendan. All I could think was appendicitis.
I went to the pediatrician's office which is two minutes away, but they were at lunch and I had to wait 30 min. for their return. By the time the pediatrician got there, he didn't hurt anymore. After examining him, she guessed either a colon spasm, but felt like he didn't have the right combination of symptoms or issues; or kidney stones, but again, not the right list of other complaints.
We spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch reading books and watching TV and playing Matchbox cars and Bionicles. It was the most pleasant afternoon we've had in a few weeks because I wasn't trying to juggle kids, chores, work, cooking dinner, etc. I opted for a very easy dinner of steak, baked potatoes, and oven roasted veggies and encouraged the boys to play with their cars in the kitchen while I cooked.
I had loaded the dishwasher with the day's accumulation of dishes plus the leftover pans from last night's baking adventures and started running it only to look over and see a couple of sippy cups that needed washing. So, I opened the door to the dishwasher which is supposed to stop running when the door is opened. Only that didn't happen. It kept running and I got quite a good splashing. Of course, because it was spraying, I couldn't get the drawer to slide back in and get the door closed. It took me several seconds to think to turn it off. By then, I was soaked from the knees down and quite damp every where else and the floor was covered in water. Fortunately, at that point the boys were playing elsewhere.
Any other day, I would have freaked out and been really pissed off. But today.... Today, it just made me laugh. Maybe because I was so relieved Brendan wasn't seriously ill. Maybe because I was actively trying to be patient and not let anything bother me. Maybe because I kept imagining what it must have looked like from another perspective.
Who knows? I guess it doesn't really matter. I've lived to fight another day as they say. Or preferably, not fight, but enjoy the day and those around me.
I can't help but wonder if the last few weeks have seemed so god-awful because I stopped taking the antidepressant I was on for ppd. I don't want to be someone who can't function without a pill. I don't think it's wrong if that's what you need. It just makes me sad to think of having to live that way. I want to be able to manage on my own, to learn how to control my own emotions without being numbed to them.
Whatever the case may be, it felt nice to manage today. To turn it around and feel like I could make a change.Hold
When I got up this morning I was overwhelmingly sad about all the conflict I've been having with Brendan lately. Is five the new two? I have spoken with some of the other moms of kids in his class and they all seem to be dealing with similar issues.
I went online and did some reading and came up with some new ideas for how to handle some of the stuff we're dealing with. I decided that I am not going to turn this food thing into a huge battle. I love the ideas that Jen and Just Me suggested. We've actually been saving his dinner and telling him he can have that, but he whines and cries and many a night, I forget to save it and throw it out, but at least we're getting better at it.
Anyway, I was just starting to think I could get a handle on this stuff when I got a call from Brendan's school saying he was sick and I should come get him. When I got there, he was sobbing because his stomach hurt and he could barely walk. I had to ask another parent to carry Beckett back out to the car while I carried Brendan. All I could think was appendicitis.
I went to the pediatrician's office which is two minutes away, but they were at lunch and I had to wait 30 min. for their return. By the time the pediatrician got there, he didn't hurt anymore. After examining him, she guessed either a colon spasm, but felt like he didn't have the right combination of symptoms or issues; or kidney stones, but again, not the right list of other complaints.
We spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch reading books and watching TV and playing Matchbox cars and Bionicles. It was the most pleasant afternoon we've had in a few weeks because I wasn't trying to juggle kids, chores, work, cooking dinner, etc. I opted for a very easy dinner of steak, baked potatoes, and oven roasted veggies and encouraged the boys to play with their cars in the kitchen while I cooked.
I had loaded the dishwasher with the day's accumulation of dishes plus the leftover pans from last night's baking adventures and started running it only to look over and see a couple of sippy cups that needed washing. So, I opened the door to the dishwasher which is supposed to stop running when the door is opened. Only that didn't happen. It kept running and I got quite a good splashing. Of course, because it was spraying, I couldn't get the drawer to slide back in and get the door closed. It took me several seconds to think to turn it off. By then, I was soaked from the knees down and quite damp every where else and the floor was covered in water. Fortunately, at that point the boys were playing elsewhere.
Any other day, I would have freaked out and been really pissed off. But today.... Today, it just made me laugh. Maybe because I was so relieved Brendan wasn't seriously ill. Maybe because I was actively trying to be patient and not let anything bother me. Maybe because I kept imagining what it must have looked like from another perspective.
Who knows? I guess it doesn't really matter. I've lived to fight another day as they say. Or preferably, not fight, but enjoy the day and those around me.
I can't help but wonder if the last few weeks have seemed so god-awful because I stopped taking the antidepressant I was on for ppd. I don't want to be someone who can't function without a pill. I don't think it's wrong if that's what you need. It just makes me sad to think of having to live that way. I want to be able to manage on my own, to learn how to control my own emotions without being numbed to them.
Whatever the case may be, it felt nice to manage today. To turn it around and feel like I could make a change.Hold
Cooking by the Book
Calling Chef Mom. Please report to the advice podium to dole out some good advice to frustrated moms in need of healthy meals children will eat.
I've had it with cooking dinner several times a week only to be told that what I've prepared is yucky.
If it doesn't come from a guy in a clown suit or a crown, isn't neon orange and cheesy, doesn't taste like cinnamon and powdered sugar, or isn't Siamese Basil's cashew chicken, my eldest child thinks it's gross.
Dinner time is a battle every night. Admittedly, by the time I get through the two hours it takes me to construct a meal while managing a crying toddler and stopping every five minutes to find a toy, change the tv channel, open something, let the dog in or out, or put out some fire (metaphorical or literal), I've had it. I want to eat my food, get everyone bathed and in bed, and zone out.
I try to cook healthy foods I like but I realize that I'm the only one who likes them. Granted, Brendan hates all foods and this drives me crazy. It makes me mad. He used to love everything and then one day, he just became this defiant child who refuses to eat anything. And I didn't help it because I thought he couldn't go hungry so instead of saying, "tough luck, eat this or do without," I would let him have a banana or make something I thought he'd eat.
Now, I'm trying to fix the problem and we're fighting like cats and dogs every night, screaming at each other and I can't take it anymore. I literally sat at the kitchen table and cried last night after telling my whole family I was going on strike because they didn't appreciate my hard work to cook nice meals. It's insulting to have your child tell you the food you've made is yucky. And I guess I had just heard that one too many times last night.
I feel like an idiot for letting him get the best of me that way. Of course, on the one hand, he hurt my feelings and he should see that his actions have consequences. That words can hurt people. I just hate that he learned on me. I don't want him to know he can push my buttons like that.
So, what I'm trying to ask for is a little advice, recipes, meal suggestions, ideas for getting your kid to try new foods or things they think they don't like. I can't trick him, nor do I want to. So, none of this, hide the zucchini in the spaghetti sauce (he wouldn't eat it anyway because he's the only kid in America who doesn't like spaghetti). I want real ideas.
And, by the way, how do you eat healthy meals if your children flat out refuse to eat them when you prepare them. It's a waste of time, energy, and money. Do you break down and fix kid-friendly meals or do you let the kids go hungry or fix other things? I ask this, expecting to hear "the kids should eat whatever you make" but do kids really want poached salmon, brown rice, baked sweet potato, and a salad with ginger dressing? Will most kids eat that?
My friend L. prepares two meals most nights. Either she fixes something the kids will eat and she and her husband snack or have a separate meal or the kids snack and she prepares a meal she and her husband will eat. Which is kind of what I was doing, but decided was a bad idea. Now, I'm wondering if it is such a terrible thing to do.
Alright... Let me have your best ideas!
And thanks in advance!
I've had it with cooking dinner several times a week only to be told that what I've prepared is yucky.
If it doesn't come from a guy in a clown suit or a crown, isn't neon orange and cheesy, doesn't taste like cinnamon and powdered sugar, or isn't Siamese Basil's cashew chicken, my eldest child thinks it's gross.
Dinner time is a battle every night. Admittedly, by the time I get through the two hours it takes me to construct a meal while managing a crying toddler and stopping every five minutes to find a toy, change the tv channel, open something, let the dog in or out, or put out some fire (metaphorical or literal), I've had it. I want to eat my food, get everyone bathed and in bed, and zone out.
I try to cook healthy foods I like but I realize that I'm the only one who likes them. Granted, Brendan hates all foods and this drives me crazy. It makes me mad. He used to love everything and then one day, he just became this defiant child who refuses to eat anything. And I didn't help it because I thought he couldn't go hungry so instead of saying, "tough luck, eat this or do without," I would let him have a banana or make something I thought he'd eat.
Now, I'm trying to fix the problem and we're fighting like cats and dogs every night, screaming at each other and I can't take it anymore. I literally sat at the kitchen table and cried last night after telling my whole family I was going on strike because they didn't appreciate my hard work to cook nice meals. It's insulting to have your child tell you the food you've made is yucky. And I guess I had just heard that one too many times last night.
I feel like an idiot for letting him get the best of me that way. Of course, on the one hand, he hurt my feelings and he should see that his actions have consequences. That words can hurt people. I just hate that he learned on me. I don't want him to know he can push my buttons like that.
So, what I'm trying to ask for is a little advice, recipes, meal suggestions, ideas for getting your kid to try new foods or things they think they don't like. I can't trick him, nor do I want to. So, none of this, hide the zucchini in the spaghetti sauce (he wouldn't eat it anyway because he's the only kid in America who doesn't like spaghetti). I want real ideas.
And, by the way, how do you eat healthy meals if your children flat out refuse to eat them when you prepare them. It's a waste of time, energy, and money. Do you break down and fix kid-friendly meals or do you let the kids go hungry or fix other things? I ask this, expecting to hear "the kids should eat whatever you make" but do kids really want poached salmon, brown rice, baked sweet potato, and a salad with ginger dressing? Will most kids eat that?
My friend L. prepares two meals most nights. Either she fixes something the kids will eat and she and her husband snack or have a separate meal or the kids snack and she prepares a meal she and her husband will eat. Which is kind of what I was doing, but decided was a bad idea. Now, I'm wondering if it is such a terrible thing to do.
Alright... Let me have your best ideas!
And thanks in advance!
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Sweet Jane
Finally, I get to write about Saturday night!
First, I just want to say, that if you are in Atlanta, you have to go to one of the remaining 4 nights of 500 Songs for Kids at Smith's Olde Bar. If you have an extra $100 go to Saturday's show. It will be jam-packed with terrific performers, including Gnarls Barkley's own Cee-Lo singing the final song of the night.
I'm going to get this right finally... This year's songs are the... wait for it... 500 Greatest Sing-a-long Songs.
Scott performed song #380, The Velvet Underground's Sweet Jane. What a great song and a perfect fit for Scott! He was very true and I thought he was fantastic. The crowd seemed to agree.
My other favorites of the night included:
Why the Fly covering Hansen's Mmm Bop
Heather Luttrell's cover of Georgia on My Mind (this woman has an amazing voice!)
Grace Buford singing Over the Rainbow
Charlotte, NC band The Sammies doing AC/DC's Thunderstruck (kicked major ass!)
Xylah throwing down by mixing a little Pinball Wizard into her performance of Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit
Love Rush's faithful cover of Better than Ezra's Good
The Julia Dream's cover of The Flaming Lips' She Don't Use Jelly
and
Audrey Spillman's sensual rendition of Aretha Franklin's Natural Woman.
Those are just my favorites. Everyone worked really hard to put on a great show and these are just a few of the ones that really stood out. All of these musicians gave their time and talent to a very worthy cause and for that they should all be applauded.
Go see live music, people! Wherever you are. These musicians work hard at something they love. Let them know you appreciate them!
First, I just want to say, that if you are in Atlanta, you have to go to one of the remaining 4 nights of 500 Songs for Kids at Smith's Olde Bar. If you have an extra $100 go to Saturday's show. It will be jam-packed with terrific performers, including Gnarls Barkley's own Cee-Lo singing the final song of the night.
I'm going to get this right finally... This year's songs are the... wait for it... 500 Greatest Sing-a-long Songs.
Scott performed song #380, The Velvet Underground's Sweet Jane. What a great song and a perfect fit for Scott! He was very true and I thought he was fantastic. The crowd seemed to agree.
My other favorites of the night included:
Why the Fly covering Hansen's Mmm Bop
Heather Luttrell's cover of Georgia on My Mind (this woman has an amazing voice!)
Grace Buford singing Over the Rainbow
Charlotte, NC band The Sammies doing AC/DC's Thunderstruck (kicked major ass!)
Xylah throwing down by mixing a little Pinball Wizard into her performance of Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit
Love Rush's faithful cover of Better than Ezra's Good
The Julia Dream's cover of The Flaming Lips' She Don't Use Jelly
and
Audrey Spillman's sensual rendition of Aretha Franklin's Natural Woman.
Those are just my favorites. Everyone worked really hard to put on a great show and these are just a few of the ones that really stood out. All of these musicians gave their time and talent to a very worthy cause and for that they should all be applauded.
Go see live music, people! Wherever you are. These musicians work hard at something they love. Let them know you appreciate them!
Friday, May 2, 2008
Semi-Charmed Kind of Wife
I have been remiss in not posting this earlier. Semi-Charmed Wife has had a wonderful theme week going on over at her blog on the issue of self-esteem.
With guest posters, including moi, she has looked at the subject from several interesting angles. I think my favorite has to be Leah's which I think forces us to really get at the root of whether or not we actually care whether a specific person likes us or not.
So, if you're not a regular at her site, you'll have a week's worth of wonderful, inspired reading to catch up on. If you struggle with your own self-esteem or love someone who does, I highly suggest you check it out.
With guest posters, including moi, she has looked at the subject from several interesting angles. I think my favorite has to be Leah's which I think forces us to really get at the root of whether or not we actually care whether a specific person likes us or not.
So, if you're not a regular at her site, you'll have a week's worth of wonderful, inspired reading to catch up on. If you struggle with your own self-esteem or love someone who does, I highly suggest you check it out.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
500 Songs for Kids
I'm just a little excited about this.
Okay! I am thrilled about this!
Scott was selected to perform as part of 500 Songs for Kids, a 10-day music marathon to raise money for the Songs for Kids Foundation.
It's really a cool honor to be selected to perform during this event and I'm very happy for my honey.
I know music has brought so much joy into my life and provided so much comfort to me at times when I've needed it that it makes me really happy and grateful to think of Scott's being a part of such a unique way to help kids.
So, if you're in the ATL on Saturday, May 3, you can check Scott and many other Songs for Kids performers out at Smith's Olde Bar.
You can check Scott's My Space page for the time later today.
Okay! I am thrilled about this!
Scott was selected to perform as part of 500 Songs for Kids, a 10-day music marathon to raise money for the Songs for Kids Foundation.
It's really a cool honor to be selected to perform during this event and I'm very happy for my honey.
I know music has brought so much joy into my life and provided so much comfort to me at times when I've needed it that it makes me really happy and grateful to think of Scott's being a part of such a unique way to help kids.
So, if you're in the ATL on Saturday, May 3, you can check Scott and many other Songs for Kids performers out at Smith's Olde Bar.
You can check Scott's My Space page for the time later today.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
The Scientist
What did you dream of being when you were a child? Did you give up that dream or is it still in your heart and head somewhere? If so, are you pursuing it in some way?
I'm thinking about all of this, because, as you probably have figured out by now, I'm still trying to figure out how to make my dreams happen. Some I have achieved, but thankfully, I still have others that I'm working on.
And now, my son is old enough to start telling me about some of his dreams. It's wonderful to get a peek inside that head and hear what he thinks about, to see some of the places his imagination carries him....
Brendan has been saying recently that he wants to be a scientist. And a vegetarian. Sometimes he gets confused. He told me last week that scientists don't eat meat. We fixed that one pretty quickly. Still, he wants to be a non-carnivorous scientist. I'm good with that.
On Sunday, as we were driving home from his soccer game, he told me he wants to have his own TV network that broadcasts all his favorite shows. It will also broadcast The Brendan Show. As he described it, it sounds a lot like Late Night with Conan O'Brien, my favorite late-night chat show. He said that he would be on the show and he'd have his friends on and they'd do funny tricks and they'd talk to other people about what they did and what they like. He's never watched a show like that at home, although I guess he could have seen something similar at his grandmother's. I'm not entirely sure where he came up with the idea.
Later that night as I was tucking him in, he told me that he would also like to have his own laboratory so that he could conduct experiments and make potions and he wants to be a TV actor. He'd also like to have all his toys talk so they can be his friends. And he wants a goldfish.
Big dreams.
I support them all. Except for the talking toys.
It's noisy enough in this house.
I'm thinking about all of this, because, as you probably have figured out by now, I'm still trying to figure out how to make my dreams happen. Some I have achieved, but thankfully, I still have others that I'm working on.
And now, my son is old enough to start telling me about some of his dreams. It's wonderful to get a peek inside that head and hear what he thinks about, to see some of the places his imagination carries him....
Brendan has been saying recently that he wants to be a scientist. And a vegetarian. Sometimes he gets confused. He told me last week that scientists don't eat meat. We fixed that one pretty quickly. Still, he wants to be a non-carnivorous scientist. I'm good with that.
On Sunday, as we were driving home from his soccer game, he told me he wants to have his own TV network that broadcasts all his favorite shows. It will also broadcast The Brendan Show. As he described it, it sounds a lot like Late Night with Conan O'Brien, my favorite late-night chat show. He said that he would be on the show and he'd have his friends on and they'd do funny tricks and they'd talk to other people about what they did and what they like. He's never watched a show like that at home, although I guess he could have seen something similar at his grandmother's. I'm not entirely sure where he came up with the idea.
Later that night as I was tucking him in, he told me that he would also like to have his own laboratory so that he could conduct experiments and make potions and he wants to be a TV actor. He'd also like to have all his toys talk so they can be his friends. And he wants a goldfish.
Big dreams.
I support them all. Except for the talking toys.
It's noisy enough in this house.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Girls and Boys
When I was pregnant with Beckett, I stumbled upon a message board/support group for women who were disappointed in the gender of their child/children. I generally thought their reasons were vapid and selfish and I rather casually judged them. Some of them were extremely angry that they had had a child of a sex other than the one they desired. Most had tried more than twice for a specific gender, usually female. However, there were a few posters who were really pissed off and disappointed to have even one son.
At the time, I didn't get it. At all. And I still don't get the anger or bitterness that a lot of the women expressed.
But now that the reality has completely set in that I am never going to have a daughter, I understand some of the sadness and disappointment. That said, I do not blame my sons or my husband or anyone else and I absolutely adore my sons. They are amazing and loving in ways that a girl never could be. Boys are just special in that way.
Still... there are things, experiences, knowledge, history that I could only share with a daughter. My daughter. Not a daughter-in-law. Not a niece. Not a friend's daughter.
And lately, it feels like the Universe is rubbing it in. And I just need to get it out.
I know that I've talked about this before, specifically about all the beautiful names I'll never use... Catherine/Cate/Cat, Tess, Anna Claire, Sloan(e), Emerson, Annalise, Elizabeth, Kyra.
Lately, I've been focused on the heart of the issue and that's how it has been presenting itself to me, too.
Everywhere I look friends and family are having daughters. Every movie or tv show I watch seems to have mothers and daughters having lovely encounters. Last weekend I watched a ton of movies while Scott's mom had the boys. One of them was an awful thing with Diane Keaton, Lauren Graham, Mandy Moore, and another woman. The three young women were Diane Keaton's daughters. The movie opened with the three of them at a spa, sharing and joking with one another. Of course, the mother was a real bitch, but with good intentions, I guess. However, that opening scene broke my heart.
I'm never going to have that. Not with my mom. Not with my daughter. And it sucks.
And that's just one thing on the lengthy list of experiences you can share with a daughter that you'll never get with a son. Now, that said, I know there's a ton of fun stuff I'll do with my sons. But I know that it's rare for a mother and son to have the same kind of emotionally intimacy that mothers and daughters can have. I've seen it. My best friend and her mom are exceedingly close. And while her brother and her mom love each other deeply, I don't think they connect in the same way.
And while Scott and his mom were very close at one time, they no longer share the same sort of relationship they once did when he told her everything that was going on in his life and she talked to him about who she was dating or asked for his opinion on things going on in her life. That more or less ended when we got married, although I'd be happy for him to talk to his mom more often. It's just that he doesn't need her in the same ways he once did. And that's normal.
But I think girls always need their moms in a way sons never will. And that's what breaks my heart.
And like I said.... That old fucking Universe just keeps rubbing it in. That stupid movie. Two friends/relatives having daughters in the last week. My favorite cousin's daughter going to her first prom. I know her mom helped pick her dress...it had her style all over it and her daughter is beautiful – the spitting image of her mom at that age.
Then there was the well-meaning friend I haven't seen since college who told me that she couldn't wait to meet my sons and that God really knew what he was doing when he gave you sons!"
I know Josie meant that as a compliment...I'm a guy's girl, love sports, not too prissy. Still, what I heard was, You are not good enough to raise a daughter and you'd only fuck her up the way your mom screwed you up.
Even as I type this, I hear how whiny and pathetic I sound. I know I should just shut the fuck up and be happy with what I've got. And I am happy with my sons. I wouldn't trade them in a million years. They're both so cute and handsome and funny. Each so full of their own unique personalities.
I can't help feeling like I got invited to the birthday party and all the other kids got cake AND ice cream, but all I got was a double helping of cake. And it's cake that moves around too much and is loud and won't sit still and stay on my plate.
But ya know what? At least I got invited to the party. I know that to anyone who wants kids and doesn't have them yet, I sound like a horribly selfish bitch.
And I'm sorry.
It's stupid, I know. But, it's what I'm feeling right now – a need to live out the mother/daughter relationship I've never had but see all around me. The sadness I feel that despite the fact that I went to a women's college and loved every single minute of it I don't have a legacy child to follow in my footsteps.
I'm just trying to shake it. Move on. Embrace the sports-themed bathroom the boys now share and forget about the rose and cream toile of my dreams.
At the time, I didn't get it. At all. And I still don't get the anger or bitterness that a lot of the women expressed.
But now that the reality has completely set in that I am never going to have a daughter, I understand some of the sadness and disappointment. That said, I do not blame my sons or my husband or anyone else and I absolutely adore my sons. They are amazing and loving in ways that a girl never could be. Boys are just special in that way.
Still... there are things, experiences, knowledge, history that I could only share with a daughter. My daughter. Not a daughter-in-law. Not a niece. Not a friend's daughter.
And lately, it feels like the Universe is rubbing it in. And I just need to get it out.
I know that I've talked about this before, specifically about all the beautiful names I'll never use... Catherine/Cate/Cat, Tess, Anna Claire, Sloan(e), Emerson, Annalise, Elizabeth, Kyra.
Lately, I've been focused on the heart of the issue and that's how it has been presenting itself to me, too.
Everywhere I look friends and family are having daughters. Every movie or tv show I watch seems to have mothers and daughters having lovely encounters. Last weekend I watched a ton of movies while Scott's mom had the boys. One of them was an awful thing with Diane Keaton, Lauren Graham, Mandy Moore, and another woman. The three young women were Diane Keaton's daughters. The movie opened with the three of them at a spa, sharing and joking with one another. Of course, the mother was a real bitch, but with good intentions, I guess. However, that opening scene broke my heart.
I'm never going to have that. Not with my mom. Not with my daughter. And it sucks.
And that's just one thing on the lengthy list of experiences you can share with a daughter that you'll never get with a son. Now, that said, I know there's a ton of fun stuff I'll do with my sons. But I know that it's rare for a mother and son to have the same kind of emotionally intimacy that mothers and daughters can have. I've seen it. My best friend and her mom are exceedingly close. And while her brother and her mom love each other deeply, I don't think they connect in the same way.
And while Scott and his mom were very close at one time, they no longer share the same sort of relationship they once did when he told her everything that was going on in his life and she talked to him about who she was dating or asked for his opinion on things going on in her life. That more or less ended when we got married, although I'd be happy for him to talk to his mom more often. It's just that he doesn't need her in the same ways he once did. And that's normal.
But I think girls always need their moms in a way sons never will. And that's what breaks my heart.
And like I said.... That old fucking Universe just keeps rubbing it in. That stupid movie. Two friends/relatives having daughters in the last week. My favorite cousin's daughter going to her first prom. I know her mom helped pick her dress...it had her style all over it and her daughter is beautiful – the spitting image of her mom at that age.
Then there was the well-meaning friend I haven't seen since college who told me that she couldn't wait to meet my sons and that God really knew what he was doing when he gave you sons!"
I know Josie meant that as a compliment...I'm a guy's girl, love sports, not too prissy. Still, what I heard was, You are not good enough to raise a daughter and you'd only fuck her up the way your mom screwed you up.
Even as I type this, I hear how whiny and pathetic I sound. I know I should just shut the fuck up and be happy with what I've got. And I am happy with my sons. I wouldn't trade them in a million years. They're both so cute and handsome and funny. Each so full of their own unique personalities.
I can't help feeling like I got invited to the birthday party and all the other kids got cake AND ice cream, but all I got was a double helping of cake. And it's cake that moves around too much and is loud and won't sit still and stay on my plate.
But ya know what? At least I got invited to the party. I know that to anyone who wants kids and doesn't have them yet, I sound like a horribly selfish bitch.
And I'm sorry.
It's stupid, I know. But, it's what I'm feeling right now – a need to live out the mother/daughter relationship I've never had but see all around me. The sadness I feel that despite the fact that I went to a women's college and loved every single minute of it I don't have a legacy child to follow in my footsteps.
I'm just trying to shake it. Move on. Embrace the sports-themed bathroom the boys now share and forget about the rose and cream toile of my dreams.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Life is Like a Musical
It has occurred to me many times over the last week that I haven't posted, but until this moment I haven't had a chance to write when my mind was actually somewhat uncluttered.
As is typical of our household, life has been a whirlwind of late. Brendan was on spring break last week and we stayed busy indoors for most of the week thanks to the pollen. Both boys had asthmatic episodes and required albuterol at various times.
We did manage to make it out to the Fernbank Natural History Museum. It was, in a word, AWESOME! You know...if you're a little geeky and love dinosaurs and 9 ft. tall giant sloths that have been extinct for several tens of thousands of years. Brendan and I had a ball. I bought a family membership and I am so glad I did. I can't wait to go back with him. I loved the Argentinosaurus (Hello, World's Biggest Dinosaur discovered by scientists from Atlanta's own museum!), while Brendan was a fan of Gigantasaurus, who looked a lot like a T-Rex.
Friday night I went with my friend Barrett to see the world premiere of big, the new ballet staged by the Atlanta Ballet and Big Boi, aka, Antwan Patton. I feel very honored to have been invited. Barrett has season tickets to the ballet and her seats are excellent – sixth row, just left of the orchestra pit. I can't say that I know anything about dance. I enjoy watching it, but I've never, ever, not once, been moved or emotionally touched by a dance performance until now. I found myself crying twice during this ballet. The first act was beautiful, lyrical, stirring, awe-inspiring. The principal dancer, Tara Lee, moved like the most graceful creature I've ever seen. She didn't seem human in her grace. I found the second act less moving and harder to follow. What I found the most moving of all perhaps was the bringing together of different ages, classes, and races for this performance. Hopefully, it will open the world of ballet to a larger audience and make it more accessible to those of us who feel like we know nothing about dance. At the same time, I think it's neat to bring modern music to the ears of those who might otherwise not be exposed to it or condemn it all as garbage, like the nearly 90-year old lady who sat in front of us. I didn't see a single person get up and leave mid-performance and I feared I might.
Big Boi's band was amazing, by the way.
On Saturday night, we drove up to Athens to hear our friend Mark's band. They were really good, although I wish we had gotten to hear more from their new singer. She has a really nice voice, but was definitely under utilized.
After all that fun and excitement and between the pollen and sitting outside in the cold on Saturday night, I have ended up with another sinus infection. I look like death warmed over, to the point that Brendan told me on Monday that he doesn't like me anymore because he doesn't like the way I look. I wasn't entirely sure how to react to that and chose to ignore it. Although I quite agree with him. I don't really like the way I look right now either. Or feel for that matter.
Here's to being well, focused, and happy. I wish that for all of you who may read this as well as for myself and my family.
As is typical of our household, life has been a whirlwind of late. Brendan was on spring break last week and we stayed busy indoors for most of the week thanks to the pollen. Both boys had asthmatic episodes and required albuterol at various times.
We did manage to make it out to the Fernbank Natural History Museum. It was, in a word, AWESOME! You know...if you're a little geeky and love dinosaurs and 9 ft. tall giant sloths that have been extinct for several tens of thousands of years. Brendan and I had a ball. I bought a family membership and I am so glad I did. I can't wait to go back with him. I loved the Argentinosaurus (Hello, World's Biggest Dinosaur discovered by scientists from Atlanta's own museum!), while Brendan was a fan of Gigantasaurus, who looked a lot like a T-Rex.
Friday night I went with my friend Barrett to see the world premiere of big, the new ballet staged by the Atlanta Ballet and Big Boi, aka, Antwan Patton. I feel very honored to have been invited. Barrett has season tickets to the ballet and her seats are excellent – sixth row, just left of the orchestra pit. I can't say that I know anything about dance. I enjoy watching it, but I've never, ever, not once, been moved or emotionally touched by a dance performance until now. I found myself crying twice during this ballet. The first act was beautiful, lyrical, stirring, awe-inspiring. The principal dancer, Tara Lee, moved like the most graceful creature I've ever seen. She didn't seem human in her grace. I found the second act less moving and harder to follow. What I found the most moving of all perhaps was the bringing together of different ages, classes, and races for this performance. Hopefully, it will open the world of ballet to a larger audience and make it more accessible to those of us who feel like we know nothing about dance. At the same time, I think it's neat to bring modern music to the ears of those who might otherwise not be exposed to it or condemn it all as garbage, like the nearly 90-year old lady who sat in front of us. I didn't see a single person get up and leave mid-performance and I feared I might.
Big Boi's band was amazing, by the way.
On Saturday night, we drove up to Athens to hear our friend Mark's band. They were really good, although I wish we had gotten to hear more from their new singer. She has a really nice voice, but was definitely under utilized.
After all that fun and excitement and between the pollen and sitting outside in the cold on Saturday night, I have ended up with another sinus infection. I look like death warmed over, to the point that Brendan told me on Monday that he doesn't like me anymore because he doesn't like the way I look. I wasn't entirely sure how to react to that and chose to ignore it. Although I quite agree with him. I don't really like the way I look right now either. Or feel for that matter.
Here's to being well, focused, and happy. I wish that for all of you who may read this as well as for myself and my family.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Anniversary Song
Last night Scott and I celebrated our eighth anniversary. Eight years isn't a new marriage, but when I think about the kind of enduring love I dream of, it seems so young and fresh.
So much has changed in such a brief time. As I mentioned earlier, and as so many of you know, it's so easy to misplace your feelings for one another, to lose your passion for your (soul)mate once you have children. Shoot, even without kids. I'm sure we've all sadly watched couples we thought were made for one another drift apart over time regardless of whether or not they had kids. Kids just become one more means of hiding out and not really communicating with your partner, whether you intend for that to happen or not.
Anyway, it was really wonderful to spend a perfect, romantic evening with my husband. For the two of us to slow down, to do nothing of consequence, but something profound. To just be together, enjoying one another, and remembering how and why and when and where we fell in love.
Scott completely took charge of the evening. At some point yesterday I suggested that we do what we'd done on our honeymoon. For our honeymoon, we booked tickets to London and two nights lodging. We planned to be in England and Ireland for two weeks. We played everything by ear and at times, it was a little stressful, like when we arrived in Dublin on a Friday afternoon and couldn't find a hotel room. Our delightfully charming cabbie got on his cell phone and found us a room at a friend's B & B for one night only and recommended a lovely little Italian restaurant.
So, we sort of played it by ear, although Scott had a general plan in mind. As it turned out, it was almost exactly what I had been envisioning. Almost right down to the neighborhood. I was only off by about three miles.
When he came home, we had a drink before we left and then drove around for a while just listening to a podcast of This American Life from Valentine's Day about love and relationships when they're no longer new. It was really beautiful. We took the long way to get where we were going.
So, we took the long way to drive from our house to Decatur. We drove past my alma mater and admired how beautiful the campus looks in the spring, then we drove over to Oakhurst, which is a little neighborhood in Decatur where there are lots of beautiful old Victorian style homes and cute shops and restaurants. We ate at a little Mexican place and it was delicious. We haven't been out for Mexican in a really, really long time and it's one of my favorites.
Then, we walked across the street to Kavarna. It's a coffee and wine bar that Scott's going to be playing in July. We had cappuccino and split some baklava. Then we drove around and finished listening to the podcast and drove to places we used to go to when we were dating and before we even knew each other. It was really nice.
Then we came home at 11 p.m. to two boys awake, the baby crying. Both wheezing from all the pollen. But it was a good night and I felt very loved and in love.
Perfect.
So much has changed in such a brief time. As I mentioned earlier, and as so many of you know, it's so easy to misplace your feelings for one another, to lose your passion for your (soul)mate once you have children. Shoot, even without kids. I'm sure we've all sadly watched couples we thought were made for one another drift apart over time regardless of whether or not they had kids. Kids just become one more means of hiding out and not really communicating with your partner, whether you intend for that to happen or not.
Anyway, it was really wonderful to spend a perfect, romantic evening with my husband. For the two of us to slow down, to do nothing of consequence, but something profound. To just be together, enjoying one another, and remembering how and why and when and where we fell in love.
Scott completely took charge of the evening. At some point yesterday I suggested that we do what we'd done on our honeymoon. For our honeymoon, we booked tickets to London and two nights lodging. We planned to be in England and Ireland for two weeks. We played everything by ear and at times, it was a little stressful, like when we arrived in Dublin on a Friday afternoon and couldn't find a hotel room. Our delightfully charming cabbie got on his cell phone and found us a room at a friend's B & B for one night only and recommended a lovely little Italian restaurant.
So, we sort of played it by ear, although Scott had a general plan in mind. As it turned out, it was almost exactly what I had been envisioning. Almost right down to the neighborhood. I was only off by about three miles.
When he came home, we had a drink before we left and then drove around for a while just listening to a podcast of This American Life from Valentine's Day about love and relationships when they're no longer new. It was really beautiful. We took the long way to get where we were going.
So, we took the long way to drive from our house to Decatur. We drove past my alma mater and admired how beautiful the campus looks in the spring, then we drove over to Oakhurst, which is a little neighborhood in Decatur where there are lots of beautiful old Victorian style homes and cute shops and restaurants. We ate at a little Mexican place and it was delicious. We haven't been out for Mexican in a really, really long time and it's one of my favorites.
Then, we walked across the street to Kavarna. It's a coffee and wine bar that Scott's going to be playing in July. We had cappuccino and split some baklava. Then we drove around and finished listening to the podcast and drove to places we used to go to when we were dating and before we even knew each other. It was really nice.
Then we came home at 11 p.m. to two boys awake, the baby crying. Both wheezing from all the pollen. But it was a good night and I felt very loved and in love.
Perfect.
In an Octopus's Garden
There's a reason I'm up at 4:00 a.m. Again. Blogging.
But, I don't want to think about asthma and inhalers and nebulizers, Albuterol and Pulmicort, or Paul McCartney as we like to call it around here.
I have vegetable gardens on my mind.
I know nothing about gardening really. But, I want to have a little vegetable garden this year. Drought be damned.
Do any of you know anything about gardening? How much sun is necessary (we have a very shady yard)? Is it too late to plant?
I'd love to hear any advice any of you pro gardeners have to offer.
Thanks.
But, I don't want to think about asthma and inhalers and nebulizers, Albuterol and Pulmicort, or Paul McCartney as we like to call it around here.
I have vegetable gardens on my mind.
I know nothing about gardening really. But, I want to have a little vegetable garden this year. Drought be damned.
Do any of you know anything about gardening? How much sun is necessary (we have a very shady yard)? Is it too late to plant?
I'd love to hear any advice any of you pro gardeners have to offer.
Thanks.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Night People
In the immortal words of Muttley, Rattzle-frattzle-fuzzle....!!
Today was another of those days that leaves me feeling like I accomplished little and was pulled and tugged in ten different directions all at the same time.
Brendan's on spring break and we had some fun just playing this morning. But over the last few days I feel I've spent an inordinate amount of time scolding and correcting him, yelling in frustration. Beckett has also pushed all my buttons. He's a climber and suddenly every moment he's awake is spent telling him no and getting him out of trouble. He bursts into tears every time I correct him and I feel like a heel.
Of course, it's 4:35 a.m. and I've been awake since 2:00 a.m. when Brendan came into our room for the 1000th night in a row it seems. I love my child, but it is so annoying to be woken every night by someone getting in your bed. In all honesty, many nights I don't even wake up, so he thinks it's okay. When he does wake me, it's annoying. He whines, sniffles, complains about some pain or thing that's keeping him awake...any excuse to be in our bed.
Beckett's teething, so he's waking up as well right now. They were both awake at the same time. Brendan's actually having allergy problems and I've had to give him his inhaler twice and change his sheets because he coughed so hard he threw up.
Everyone's finally back in bed and asleep, except me.
I guess I should use the time to figure out how Scott and I can celebrate our anniversary tonight.
I've been depressed all day because I used to have the time, freedom, and energy to focus on my husband, to celebrate our love and spend time thinking of ways to show him that I loved him.
Oh! The Joys!
Today was another of those days that leaves me feeling like I accomplished little and was pulled and tugged in ten different directions all at the same time.
Brendan's on spring break and we had some fun just playing this morning. But over the last few days I feel I've spent an inordinate amount of time scolding and correcting him, yelling in frustration. Beckett has also pushed all my buttons. He's a climber and suddenly every moment he's awake is spent telling him no and getting him out of trouble. He bursts into tears every time I correct him and I feel like a heel.
Of course, it's 4:35 a.m. and I've been awake since 2:00 a.m. when Brendan came into our room for the 1000th night in a row it seems. I love my child, but it is so annoying to be woken every night by someone getting in your bed. In all honesty, many nights I don't even wake up, so he thinks it's okay. When he does wake me, it's annoying. He whines, sniffles, complains about some pain or thing that's keeping him awake...any excuse to be in our bed.
Beckett's teething, so he's waking up as well right now. They were both awake at the same time. Brendan's actually having allergy problems and I've had to give him his inhaler twice and change his sheets because he coughed so hard he threw up.
Everyone's finally back in bed and asleep, except me.
I guess I should use the time to figure out how Scott and I can celebrate our anniversary tonight.
I've been depressed all day because I used to have the time, freedom, and energy to focus on my husband, to celebrate our love and spend time thinking of ways to show him that I loved him.
Oh! The Joys!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
