Fabulous Friday: You Light Up My Life

My husband picks on me sometimes because I so often look outside myself for inspiration and guidance. You'd think that as an only child, I'd be more independent and less reliant on others. But I'm not. Sue me. I take my inspiration wherever I can find it. Sunny day. Wise words from a close friend. Self-help books. And blogs.

The last 3 weeks or so, I've found some great inspiration in the SITSGirls community for bloggers. One blogger in particular has inspired me with her enthusiasm, tirelessness and work ethic, the long list of all she does – including caring for a daughter with special needs – and the leadership she has shown as moderator for the SITSGirls 31 Days to Build a Better Blog challenge. Shelley, from I'm Still Standing, is an awe-inspiring person who just does what needs doing. She makes me feel like I can do anything, too.

Every day I think, I don't know if I can finish this, but then I see all that Shelley does and I read her daily posts that are written with such joy and light and I think, "Well, I have to do this. If Shelley can do it with all the other things she has going on, I can do it." And I do. Then, I feel happier and closer to my own personal goals.

Thank you, Shelley, for sharing all that you do and for being a great leader on this journey to a better blog!

Stupid Kid: Father Threatens Lawsuit Over Kid's Dumbass Facebook Postings

Being in the midst of confronting my own discipline challenges with my son, I was struck dumb by a story I read in yesterday's Atlanta Journal-Constitution

The story is about three middle school students who posted disparaging – and possibly career ending – statements about a teacher at their school on their Facebook pages. The statements ranged from saying the teacher was a pedophile and rapist to stating that the teacher was bipolar.

The school, rightly in my opinion, suspended the students because their statements were not grounded in any sort of truth and were disruptive to the learning environment at the school.

Of course, one of the kids' fathers is furious and says the school had no right to suspend the kids, calling it a violation of their privacy. They're considering a lawsuit says the father.

Ridiculous. Right?

Maybe not. Apparently, there is a precedent for allowing mouthy high school students who have no respect for anyone other than their selves to get away with slandering teachers or whoever else they want to via Facebook. Granted, what Katherine Evans said about her English teacher is not quite as bad as what these Georgia boys have done, it's still utterly disrespectful and instead of allowing her to move forward with a lawsuit her parents might have served both their daughter and society better by teaching her to mind her manners and show a little respect for the rest of the world.

Anyone who claims that getting in trouble for something you write on Facebook is a violation of your privacy is a fool. If you put it out there on a public profile you have no right to privacy. If you had a private account and the school hacked your account and read your postings, that's something else entirely. But that's not what happened in either of these cases.

I expect and try to teach my sons to care about others, to show them respect, and not say bad things about them. To that end, I try not to speak badly of people in front of my kids. If I found out either of them created a Facebook page (or whatever the cool means of communication is when their teenagers) that said ugly things about a teacher, a fellow student, or their archnemesis, I would put a stop to it immediately and they would have to go apologize in person to the person they hurt. Then, they would have their Facebook privileges taken away. Children, as I learn more and more every day, need structure and parental guidance – not parents who always tell them they're right even at the cost of someone else's dignity.

What say you?


Do kids (or adults) have a right to trash anyone they want to in a public medium with no consequences for their actions?


If your kid did something like this and got suspended would you sue or would you punish your child?

Teach Your Children: Regaining Control of Your Household

Between my attempting to work a little more and volunteering, Scott's traveling for work and hectic  schedule of long hours and the occasional night or weekend on call, Brendan's daily homework grind, and all the rest of our rat race, we've run into a bit of a discipline void.

Brendan, always my challenging boy, has been pushing every button I own and testing all the boundaries, which I will admit, are always a bit loose. As Alexandria over at Before the Baby Wakes put it, I subscribe to a Free to Be Us parenting style. I've tended to err too far on the side of not wanting to crush my child's spirit. Right up until the point where his spirit is really pissing me off and I blow up. Not good.

In thinking about how and why things have gotten so out of control, I see clearly that it has been my lack of consistency in disciplining and setting rules.

Because of Brendan's dyspraxia and all the associated frustrations he experienced before we had a diagnosis, I learned, as did he, that sometimes it's just easier for mommy to give in and perform the task at hand for the child. It can make things go a lot faster when you're trying to get out the door. Unfortunately, kids don't compartmentalize so well and now there are lots of things that my 8-year old should do for himself that he still wants or expects me to do and when I refuse, it turns into a huge power struggle.

We're also dealing with his smart mouth. I've tried reasoning with him on the issue, telling him it's unacceptable, rude, he hurts my feelings, etc. At my wits' end, I've been tempted to pull out the hot sauce or the soft soap and use them when he sasses, but instead, I'm regrouping.

Today, I made a list of our house rules and the consequences of not following those rules. I made it as a reminder for myself as much as I did as an instructional tool for the boys. I have a real problem with deciding in the heat of the moment what an acceptable punishment for a particular misbehavior should be. I figured if I define it for myself and let the kids know what will happen if they talk back or fail to pick up their toys when I ask, it will be easier for all of us and lead (I hope!) to a calmer, happier  household.

I'm also reading John Rosemond's Parent Power and hope to get some new insight from that.

I just hope it's not too late.

What discipline challenges have you faced?
How did you fix the problem?
Do you feel that you were successful?

A Change Will Do You Good

So....


Welcome to the new, and I hope you'll agree, improved digs. What do y'all think?


As y'all may know, I'm participating in the 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge. One of the tasks was to create an editorial calendar for your blog, which I did. In the process of reading about forming an editorial calendar, I saw a couple of experts who recommended themed days. They claim readers like that. A lot. Although, most of the popular blogs I read don't do that. Now. Perhaps they did in their infancy, but I don't know. All I know is this... I generally find themed days kind of cheesy and not really my style.


But guess what? I think change is good and I feel like spicin' things up around here. So, to that end, I'm going to give themed blog posts a trial run. There's no guarantee that I won't have a random I-must-post-this-today-even-though-it's-Recipe-Day-and-this-is-not-a-recipe-day here and there, but for the most part, I'm going to try and stick to this for a while and see how it works. 


Here's my current plan:

Musical Mondays: Review or share a new band, piece of music I love, or video.

Tasty Tuesdays: Recipes, kids’ party info, or information about food and health; relate to parenting

Wordy Wednesdays: A longer feature on parenting

Take That Thursdays: A review or opinion piece

Fabulous Fridays: Shout Outs or Inspiring Things and/or People

Spontaneous Saturday: Anything goes

Spiritual Sunday: Faith, inspiration, and reflection

Of course, I want to know what you think. 


Are themed posts a good idea? Like? Dislike? What do you do on your blog? 


And what do you think of the new design?


Do share!







P.S. A shout out to Jacqui of Wacky Jacqui's Designs for the new look! 

New Chance Blues: Music Makes It All Better

Would it be going too far to say that music is my master, to use a phrase my son loves? That a favorite song can lift me out of the doldrums or gird me in a blanket of commiseration when I need to go through, instead of around, my own heartache?

If you know me well enough, you'd say yes.

I can be in the worst mood, feeling lost, totally adrift, and the right music can pull me back to the safety of the shore. No matter what the problem, music can overpower it, giving me a new chance to get beyond it.

Such was the case last Saturday when the hormones struck, pushing me under the tidal wave of Lost Hope and Depression. I found myself frustrated and hopeless about everything from the fact that I haven't succeeded in Life in the ways I want  to the sad existence of my four eight-year old post-baby pooch, which admittedly is waaaaaay smaller than it once was, but is. still. there.

Oh yeah. And I was also pissed off because there are people who are younger than me. How dare they be in their early 30s just starting their families when I'm in my very early 40s with a pre-pre-teen with a smart mouth?! (I must pause to say that I really wish I knew how to type an interrobang!)

So...I spent a good 45 minutes Saturday night on the way to Athens, bemoaning the sorry state of my existence and listening to my very wise husband explain to me the error of my ways, offering some pretty good advice and some crazy advice (Hire a housecleaner to clean so you can work more. Uh...I actually need to be working more first so I can pay the housekeeper.).

By the time we got to Athens, I was willing the tears pricking the backs of my eyes not to tumble forth and embarrass me in front of the friends we were meeting. I was also counting the moments until we took our seats in UGA's Hodgson Hall and  Punch Brothers came on stage. I knew the music would make it all better.

And did it ever. What an amazing bunch of talent! From the first notes of You Are to Chris Thile's playing a beautiful Bach piece by himself as the first song of their encore, I was transported. Nothing mattered more than the last note Thile sang on their song Alex. There was never anything more fun and exuberant than the raucous fun of Rye Whiskey or more beautiful than the harmonies those four sexy young gentlemen sang on their rendition of  The Beatles' Paperback Writer. When I'm listening to good music, I am right there and no where else.

No worries about anything. Just the moment.

The show flew by and while I wanted more (I always want more!), I couldn't be sad because it was absolutely one of the best shows I've seen in years. And I had seen Punch Brothers at the Variety in the fall. Better than that one, even. Except for the part where we were sitting down. I'm a get up and dance kind of girl.

Still, though.... A magical evening, made better by being with friends we don't often see, by being in Athens,  and the great drinks at Highwire after the show.


Now I'm counting down until the next show. Scott has a few coming up including a show in Nashvegas and playing at Finster Fest this spring. I can't wait. Until then, it's up to the iPod to carry me away.

Get The Party Started: iTunes Giveaway at I'm Still Standing for SITSGirls 31DBBB Participants

Shelly, special needs mom, advocate, blogger extraordinaire, and all-around amazing woman, as well as  host of the February 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge at SITSGirls wants you to come to the party. The blogging party, that is.

Over the course of the last 10 days or so (the challenge began on Feb. 1, but we only have exercises on weekdays), Shelly has led us through Darren Rowse's ProBlogger Book, one lesson at a time. So far, I've refined my elevator pitch, been reminded of the power of networking, and of using available resources like Google Alerts and forums to which you already belong, as well as using a variety of different writing techniques, like lists, to spice up your blog. I found it very useful to be reminded of the importance of internal linking which I tend to overlook, but the most important thing I've gained since starting this exercise is inspiration and a framework within which to make the changes I need to make.

For too long, I was of the mind that "If you write it, they will come." I thought about what I was writing, but not how I was presenting the information or how I was marketing it. For a while I did work to build genuine relationships with other bloggers, but I see now how much more effort is required if I want to grow this blog and build a shared community for other like-minded fellows. (For the record, I do.)

Even though I had to play catch-up because I started late and I've had other writing projects this week that caused me to do days 7 & 8 and 9 & 10 of the challenge on the same days, I'm still in the game and having fun.

And so are a lot of other bloggers! I've been impressed with both the quantity and quality of the other bloggers participating. To celebrate our making it 1/3 of the way through the challenge, Shelly is giving    away a $20 iTunes gift card to one blogger who posts about the challenge and comments on her blog.

It's still not too late to join the challenge, either...

You Are Not Alone in This: Overcoming Anger and Frustration

If you had known me when I was in college and witnessed me being angry, you might have feared me or my anger. I was, not merely a yeller, but a thrower, too. Push me too far and I would pick up the first thing I could wrap my hands around and hurl it at your head. Just ask the trashiest girl from my college class whom I found hanging out in my boyfriend's dorm room one afternoon. Or my friend J.'s boyfriend who provoked me to throw my shoe at his head because he thought it would be funny to hold me upside down over a stairwell.

Don't worry. Anger gives you bad aim and the sane can duck really well, apparently. I don't remember ever making contact with anyone's head.

Over the years, I've learned to control my anger. I breathe. I think about the consequences of how I express my anger. Sometimes I stifle. I still get mad about stuff most people would let roll of their backs.

I hate noise. I hate being disrespected or ignored. I hate it when people act superior. I get mad and I rant and I yell.

I'm not proud of any of this and I've worked really hard to change, but I fell the need to continue growing in this area. I'm pretty much to the point where I only yell when I feel like one of the boys isn't listening or doing as they are told. Which is pretty much every day.

Obviously, this technique isn't working. In the last few weeks, I have found myself pausing when I feel the rush and swell of emotion rising up from my gut to my chest, the muscles in my arms and hands clenching. I pause and I ask myself if the situation really warrants that level of anger. Then, I take a breath and move forward trying to correct the situation without yelling. Sometimes I find myself talking through clenched teeth, especially when trying to get homework done each day with a child who would rather be doing anything other than homework, but for the most part I am acting rationally. Still, at this point, it's an effort, not my natural reaction. But, it's forward progress and a long way from the days I would get so angry I ended up in tears.

In thinking about how to change some of my behaviors, I found this post by Shannon at The Discipline Project. I like her simple approach, but fear it won't be that effective on me. Sadly, I don't usually hesitate to yell at my kids in front of other parents. I am who I am. I could pretend my mother-in-law was here, though. That might actually work. I do think it's the kind of idea that is profound in its simplicity and might actually work. A twist on it for me is to think about what God would say to me about my behavior and if I could proudly stand before God after yelling at my kids.

Whatever works. I am thankful to Shannon for the inspiration. It's always good to know there are others walking the path with you, reaching out a hand of hope and that you can in turn do the same one day. And as I remind myself every morning... Today is a new day and new opportunity to be the woman I want to be.

Dance Like Nobody's Watching

There I was, in the middle of my first Zumba class, surrounded mostly by strangers as I tripped over my own feet, trying to figure out what "one-two-double-double" meant. I watched the woman next to me, trying to figure it out since I couldn't see the instructor for the 6'3", middle-aged African-American man between me and her. He had some nice moves, but I don't trust men in exercise classes to follow along correctly. I don't know why, but I don't. Sue me.


Soon, I was too distracted by what a good dancer the woman beside me was to follow her footwork. She was too fast. And her booty shakin'... Well, let's just say there's a stripper-pole somewhere out there waiting for her talents. She was so good, that after just one song our instructor singled her out and asked her to come up to the front.  I never would have suspected it. I know her. She's just another member of the PTA at my son's school. A mom, just like me.


I gave up on her and started looking around. Eventually I maneuvered myself into a position so that I could actually see the instructor. She was good. Clearly, a professional dancer with all the grace and mad-dancing  skills of a Solid Gold dancer, but in workout instructor form. I tried to follow her, counting in my head, "one-two-three-four," and things were going pretty well and then she switched moves, just when I was getting the hang of it, and... Boom! There goes the dynamite. There I go crashing into the very tall lady next to me, moving right as she came left. 



GIFSoup


We both laughed and I resisted the strong urge to beat myself up for being an uncoordinated dolt. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and just let my body feel the rhythm of the music for a moment. I looked up, found the instructor, and dove back in, doing my best to follow along and moving continuously, even if I didn't know how to move my feet exactly like hers. I just let the music get inside my body and let myself have fun with no worries of how stupid I looked or that I wasn't as good of a dancer as the other men and women in the class. I cha-cha-cha'd to fast-moving Latin grooves and shook my money-maker to T-Pain and the Black Eyed Peas. And it felt good. 

At the end of the class I felt good. I felt like I had a great workout. And I felt happy in a way I never could have 20 years ago when I would have left the class, tears of embarrassment burning behind my eyes, the first time I took a misstep. I would have been too wrapped up in what everyone else was thinking of me to let myself go and enjoy myself.


This was really a revelation to me and it got me thinking... I'd love to hear your thoughts:


Are there things you want to do but don't because you worry about how it will make you look or what others will think?


Have your inhibitions or self-restrictions lessened or increased with age?


If you loved yourself enough to do anything you wanted without regard to what others might think, what would you do?

Ten Steps to Being a Happier, More Balanced Mommy

I recently watched an episode of The Simpsons with my family. In the episode, Marge reconnects with her "mommy" friends and starts creating a social life for herself outside her family. My favorite part of the episode is animation of Marge's brain, showing the different segments of her life. A very large chunk of her brain is labeled "Repressed Rage," but after just a few moments of hanging out with her friends, that part of her brain is pushed aside by the part labeled "Social Life."

My oldest boy interpreted Marge and the other moms as "hating their kids," because they wanted to spend time with each other and not be with their kids every moment of every day. I explained, of course, that was far from the case and that like me, even those cartoon moms love their kids, however, moms are people, too. I explained that it makes me happy to spend time with my friends or go places by myself and do things I like to do, just like he enjoys playing with his friends and doing the things he finds fun.

It took me the first two years of his life to realize that and start trying to find a sense of balance and sometimes even now, eight years in, I feel like I don't have the full and richly balanced life I want. But I try. I know that if I have things in my life that matter to me besides my kids, things that make me think and breathe and feel and wonder and use skills other than my parenting smarts, I am a happier person. I am woman, wife, lover, friend, cousin, writer, creator, dreamer, and believer. Not just mommy, cleaner of spills and wiper of bottoms, storyteller and consoler. If I model a balanced life for my sons, hopefully they will one day strive to create lives of their own that balance responsibility with their passions.

If you're a new mom or if you've found yourself stuck in the mommy rut, never leaving your house except to grocery shop, never talking about anything other than your kids or to anyone other than your kids, and more or less feeling like you don't know who you are any more, here are a few ideas to help you reconnect with yourself and rebuild a complete life that celebrates your role as mother and allows you to be fully who you are:

1. Spend some quiet time alone each day or as often as you can, doing nothing.

2. Pray or meditate.

3. Learn to say no to your children.

4. Resume a hobby you put aside, like writing, reading for pleasure, painting, playing music, etc.

5. Take a class.

6. If you're married or live with your significant other, let your partner get up with the kids when they awake early or in the night.

7. Turn off the Laurie Berkner and listen to music you love. (Watch the lyrics, though!)

8. Plan at least one night alone with your partner each week or bi-weekly at the very least. (If you can't afford a sitter, trade with friends. Or put the kids to bed early and have hubby pick up some take out. Turn off the t.v., put on your favorite music, and just talk.) If you're single, plan a night out with a friend or friends once a week or so to unwind and be with other adults (besides your co-workers!).

9. Read. Books. Magazines. Online newspapers. Let yourself be informed and entertained and feel like you know about something other than Sesame Street or Yo Gabba Gabba.

10. Exercise. Whether it's a walk around the block, a Stroller Strides class, Zumba, training for a marathon, or lifting weights, find a fitness routine that helps you burn off frustsration and do something good for yourself.

And always remember to be kind  to yourself. Parenting is hard work and whether you're a stay-at-home mom or work outside the home, there are few breaks from it, at least until your kids start school and that requires a different kind and level of mental energy. Just remember the person you were before having kids and know she's still in there and all the better for being a mommy.

The SITS Girls 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge: Day 1

I've been blogging for nearly eight years now, sometimes with great frequency and passion, other times rarely and only then because I felt like I had to.


This year I decided I wanted to recommit to writing and recommit to this blog. I'm hoping to rebuild it from the ground up. I have a designer working on a new look and I plan to write, if not daily, at least thrice weekly. 


To get things moving along, I decided (two days late!) to participate in the SITS Girls 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge. 


Day 1's challenge is to write an elevator pitch, both a short one and a long one. So, here goes:


Short Pitch: Tales of Domestic Divahood from Down South. (Tagline/pitch)
Long Pitch: Parenting is a blessing, but it's not always easy. Belleoftheblog.net provides inspiration and a place where you can tell it or hear it like it is. I write about family, friends, food, music... a little of this and a little of that with the occasional review or product giveaway thrown in for good measure.


Thoughts? Praise? Criticism? Bring it on!

One Angry Dwarf

Dear Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Georgia and Pfizer Pharmaceuticals,

This is an open letter to request that you butt out of my child's routine healthcare, other than to pay the bills, BC, which is what you get paid to do. Pfizer... Well, no one asked for your opinion.

Our family has a pediatrician who tends to all my child's healthcare needs that can't be met by me or Mother Nature. Our doctor is outstanding. You know, unlike your marketing department, Pfizer, whose primary agenda is making money for your shareholders while putting lives at risk with off-label marketing and pushing through drugs that haven't been thoroughly tested, he went to medical school and actually knows a thing or two about keeping kids healthy.

When I take either of my children into his office for their well-child visits, I can assure you that he knows precisely which vaccines are due and he and I have been working together for at least 8 years now to ensure that my children receive the vaccines they need when they are scheduled, but that they are never given more than two vaccines at a time so that  – God forbid – should there be a toxic reaction to a vaccine, we can more readily determine which vaccine caused it.

The phone calls and letters "informing" me that my son has missed "an important vaccine," that appear to be coming from Blue Cross, but which are actually paid for by Pfizer, as noted in the fine print, are wholly unwelcome and dare I say, a conflict of interest on behalf of you, Blue Cross. First of all, is it not a violation of HIPPA for you to sell my private information to a drug company and then allow them to market their products to me under your name?

Blue Cross and Pfizer, I am not an idiot. Nor are most parents. We do not need you looking over our shoulders, or those of our trusted family physicians, telling us what drugs we need to take, all in the name of making your CEOs and shareholders richer.

I am not some crunchy mom who fails to see the life-saving importance of having my child inoculated against the world's deadliest diseases. I am, however, quite well-informed about the vaccines my children need and those that are of questionable use. Moreover, the vaccine you are pushing, Prevnar 13, while quite beneficial in the fact that it protects against bacteria that are drug-resistant, has only just come onto the market in the last month and a half, yet despite this fact, was indeed, given to my son at his last well-child visit three weeks ago.

If you want to market your new drug, market it directly to physicians rather than using scare tactics with parents to make them feel as if they have somehow failed their children. And if you're going to market it directly to patients or their parents, at least be sure they haven't already received it before you waste their time.

By the way, I'll be contacting my congressional representatives about this. Not that it will do much good since I'm sure you're both lining their pockets as well, but at least I will have voiced my opinion about your unscrupulous methods and maybe, just maybe, someone will care enough about real people to stop you.

Sincerely yours,

One Angry Mother

If You're Out There

DeKalb County Schools superintendent Ramona Tyson presented her recommendations last night at the DCSS Board of Education meeting. Surprisingly, my school district came out relatively unscathed. Rather than the 112 transfers that had been predicted for us, we're only getting 44. We keep our magnet program, and the eight streets that were on the block to be transferred to another school. Not bad. Of course, it's not set in stone and anything can happen between now and when the Board votes on the proposal March 7th.

None of this tenuous progress could have been made if not for the tireless work of a core group of parents with the energy and know-how to put together alternatives to the two original proposals put forth by DeKalb County's consulting firm. These neighbors of mine are rock stars as far as I'm concerned (even if one of them did call me out for my cynicism and negative rhetoric when I simply felt I was expressing my opinion and defending a friend from vicious attacks).

Still, the air of tension remains with the decision not being final and with the knowledge that not everyone is happy with the proposal. A lot of people are getting screwed.

There's a perception in the county that if you're rich and white you can have anything you want because a certain wealthy enclave within the county fought very hard to protect their school and neighborhood and basically got their way, with only four students from their area being redistricted from their school to one they didn't deem "appropriate" for their kids.

Meanwhile, students at one of DeKalb's most prestigious high schools are being shuffled to what is arguably its worst high school.

It's truly sad. I can't even believe that the county can legally transfer students to a school that has failed to meet AYP consistently for multiple years.

I'm truly sad for those families and those students, some of whom won't get to graduate from an outstanding high school after putting in three years of effort there. I'm sad for the 50+ families being uprooted from our neighboring elementary school in the district where they bought homes so that an equivalent number of kids can be transferred there from a different school.

The whole process makes me sick.

Rather than wasting time and money arbitrarily shuffling kids around and destroying property values, the DCSS would make better use of their resources by firing Central Office staff, hiring more teachers, reducing class sizes, and creating equitable programs at every school throughout the County.

Parents and all citizens who give a damn about public education need to get organized and prepare for what lies ahead, including the battle against giant 900+ student elementary schools.

In the meantime, I guess all we can do is wait and see what happens March 7th.

Talkin' World War III Blues

A proper left-leaning kind of gal, I've always kind of accepted the ideological and philosophical notion that war is bad, unless of course, you're saving the weak from a bunch of big baddies. Love thy neighbor. Kumbaya. Yada. Yada. Fucking Yada.

In the last two months, I have watched myself turn from a compassionate, empathetic, and reasonable person into someone filled with the fire of hate and anger. And I can pretty much honestly say that I have never felt less understood. Hell.... For a minute, I didn't fully understand what was going on myself, but I think today I figured out what's going on.

If you've been following the redistricting drama in DeKalb County, especially if you're a part of it, you can appreciate the tension of not knowing where your child might end up going to school. Or maybe not.

Even if there's no danger of your child being forced to change schools, maybe you can appreciate the concern of having the character of a beloved neighborhood school changed when it is forced to go over capacity while accepting 100+ students from a Title I school whose students are primarily non-native English speakers.

Or maybe you falsely assume that anyone who is concerned with that reality is racist. Or classist.

Whatever.

It feels like the war arrived upon my doorstep this week whether I wanted it or not. This exercise in futility that DeKalb County is putting us through has created factions in my community with those who want to save our school's amazing magnet program against those of us who bought homes in the neighborhood specifically to attend our elementary school as residents of the neighborhood (as opposed to living elsewhere and trying to get into the magnet program).  One of the DCSS' two plans involves surgically cutting eight neighborhood streets and redistricting us to another school, while the other plan would move the magnet program to another school.

And actually, I'm not even that upset about the actual idea of moving to another school, in theory. The other school is actually a great school, too. It's just not the one I planned for my children to attend. Not the one that we bought our home specifically so that our kids could attend. Not the one I have invested my time and energy into over the last four years.

What I am upset about is that there are people in my neighborhood who would choose saving the magnet program (and keeping their kids in it, natch) over protecting the value of homes throughout the neighborhood and keeping our community intact. We have been a part of this school for four years now. School was enough of a struggle for my son and he has built deeply meaningful attachments and relationships with teachers and support staff who helped us get him to the place he needs to be academically and emotionally with regard to school. And now, a select group who feel they are better than the rest of us because their kids are in the magnet program, would just tear apart all of the progress we've made with our son and shove us off to a strange school where we have to rebuild his trust and pray that all the progress we've made isn't undone overnight.

Of course, these same people say they don't want that. They want to save both the magnet and the keep the neighborhood together. Yet, when one of our neighborhood representatives suggested to the school board last week that if it came down to it we would want to prioritize keep the neighborhood intact and losing the magnet program in order to prevent overcrowding, a select few magnet parents went ballistic, accusing people of lying, and all but saying they'd just as soon get rid of us to keep the magnet program.

And in all honesty, they have a point. If you eliminate the magnet program and bring in over 100 low-income students who don't speak the language and whose parents work two jobs to support their families and can't volunteer at the school, and you try to keep the neighborhood intact, you simply have another school that will quickly spiral into mediocrity if not abject failure.

Hell, even if you keep the magnet program, the school is going to be so overcrowded that the benefits resident students received from having the magnet program in their school, i.e. science lab, will simply disappear.

The whole thing sucks.

Yet, if you dare say that in certain circles, you'll be accused of being racist and/or classist. And I don't really have a problem with that because I know that's not true. What I do have a problem with is that many of those who are pulling the race/class card are the same people who have declared they don't want their kids to attend Tucker High School. Now, most of them will say that it's because of Tucker's low test scores as compared to Lakeside's. However, we all know that any kid can get excellent test scores no matter where they go if that kid is a good student. Tucker has the highest score for technology readiness of any school in DeKalb County as well as a brand new beautiful campus. It's much, much closer to our neighborhood. It has an International Baccalaureate program. and it boasts a kickass football team. It's also mostly black. And I have literally heard a neighbor say that while it might be okay to send your sons to Tucker you couldn't send a daughter there.

Really?

And I'm racist and classist for facing the reality that our beloved neighborhood school will be forever changed by having to take resources away from our standard and high-achieving students to address the real needs of an incoming population of students who are, no doubt, going to need extra support.

These kids are coming from a school to which our school has donated food items collected by our student council in order to ensure that the students had food to eat over the weekends because the only healthy meal they got each day was at school. How can bringing those kids to our school not have a negative impact?

I am in no way saying those students don't have the same right to a great education as mine or anyone else's kids. Of course they do. Instead of randomly shuffling students around, DCSS needs to make real, substantive changes like those suggested here that actually improve all of our schools and provide a truly equal education for all students, not just those fortunate enough to win a lottery for a magnet program or able to buy or rent a home in a good school district.

I'm just saying that anyone who is eager to bring them to our school and thinks everything will be just as good or better than they are now is not looking at the situation realistically.

Whether we stay at our current school or get redistricted we'll make the best of it, but if we do stay where we are, I'll know that certain people in the neighborhood think their kids are better and more deserving than anyone else's and that the little magnet clique is of more value than actual residents of the neighborhood.

And for what it's worth, I'm really sick of those who don't live on one of the eight streets in Limbo right now telling the rest of us to play nice and that we all have to live together once the dust settles. They're not the ones being attacked. Nothing changes for their kids. They have nothing at play here, other than how the school will be affected by overcrowding once the new students come. And honestly, I guess if the school keeps the magnet and we're gone, the overcrowding won't be so bad for them and they win.

Yeah, I guess it would be easy for them to have their little group sing of unity and get their kumbaya-yas out.

No wonder I feel so alone.

And the Winner Is....

Congratulations to Marina, of My Busy Children.

Marina is the winner of the Applebee's Gift Certificate to try out their new "Unbelievable Under 550 Calories" menu.

Thanks to Applebee's Atlanta for their support and for inviting me to participate in their launch event.

Sending All My Love to You: Love Can Save the World

Since I was a child, I have been fascinated with the organization Care and the amazing work they do in impoverished nations throughout the world, especially the work they do for women and children.

I started following Care more closely in the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti and when one of my beloved college classmates began working there. I can't think of another organization with such a focus on the lives of girls and women and young children as this one. The work they are doing is mighty. And I believe in it with all my heart and I want you to feel the same way.

Yesterday, I received a message that I have to share. It's about an easy way you can help women around the world break out of the cycle of poverty.

This Valentine's Day give your true loves gifts that allow you to share your love, not only with them, but with women and children throughout the world.

Full Circle Exchange has teamed up with Care and is offering custom-created boxes of organic, fair trade chocolates and customizable gift sets including their organic chocolate bark paired with their organic, fair trade coffee.

When you make your purchase, Full Circle Exchange and their philanthropic partners will match 100% of your purchase price and donate it directly to Care.

Hurry though! In order to guarantee delivery of your gift by February 14th, orders must be placed by Friday, February 4th.

What better way to show your love how big your heart is than by extending it to those in need?

Enjoy Applebee's New Unbelievable Under 550 Calorie Entrées for Free

As with most moms, finding ways to eat healthier and squeeze workouts into my life are priorities for me. My mom died of a heart attack at just 59 years old. Not the path I want to follow since I want to be around, strong and healthy for my boys as long as I can be.


Of course, being someone who loves food and who loves to dine out, it can be tricky to find healthy options, especially at chain restaurants, where creative, healthful choices take a backseat to large portions and high-fat, low-cost alternatives.


Applebee's may be changing that with the relaunch of their "Unbelievably Great Tasting and Under 550 Calories" menu. On Monday, I had the chance to try all of these entreés and their new SkinnyBee® Cocktails.

Let me preface this review by saying that I never eat at chain restaurants except fast food. Just not a fan of homogenized cuisine. That said, I would definitely go to Applebee's specifically to get one of these new healthy, low-calorie options.


The new entreés are:


• Grilled Dijon Chicken and Portobello
• Signature Sirloin with Garlic Herb Shrimp
• Asiago Peppercorn Steak
• Teriyaki Shrimp Pasta
• Teriyaki Chicken Pasta
• Grilled Shrimp and Island Rice


The first three items listed are served with steamed veg and creamy herb potatoes. Every one of the dishes was flavorful and very filling. Calories are controlled via portion size and by using Pam to cook with instead of oil or butter.

Although each of the bloggers in attendance was given a quarter of each dish to sample and there were only six items to try, we were all stuffed. By our calculations, we still stayed under 550 calories total for the lunch.... Surprising given how tasty these items were.


I'm actually hard-pressed to choose a favorite. The Grilled Dijon Chicken and Portobello was fantastic. Moist. A great dijon flavor. I loved the steamed veggies and potatoes on the side. The veggies had a great flavor and were still crisp while the potatoes were creamy and satisfying in a "comfort food" kind of way that is lost when dieting.


But then, I had the Asiago Peppercorn Steak. I don't love red meat. But the steak was moist and seasoned very simply. The asiago provided just a hint of tang and creaminess that was just right with the simple flavor of the steak.


Still, the shrimp dishes! They had me at hello! The Teriyaki Shrimp Pasta had an incredible flavor. It's made with low-sodium soy sauce, is filled with a huge variety of great filling vegetables like bok choy, red peppers, broccoli, water chestnuts, and sugar snap peas. Those are topped with 14 shrimp and all of that is atop a mound of whole wheat angel hair pasta. Kind of a weird combination and I could have lived without the pasta, frankly. There wasn't quite enough of the teriyaki sauce to cover the pasta, so it was a bit dry, but the flavor was fantastic and when you're trying to eat healthy and lose weight, you can't go wrong with all those vegetables! This dish also comes in a version with grilled chicken instead of shrimp and it was equally tasty. The chicken had a good char on it from the grill which was nice.

When it comes down to it, if I have to choose a favorite, it would have to be the Grilled Shrimp and Island rice. It was like a tropical vacation for my mouth.


The shrimp are basted in a Southern-style BBQ sauce then covered in spicy dry rub. Damn! It was good. The intricate spiciness of the shrimp is perfectly offset by the "Island" rice, which was white rice (brown would have been a healthier choice, I agree) tossed with bits of orange and pineapple. This also came with steamed veggies which were excellent. The one thing I hated about this dish, though, is that the shrimp have their tails on and it's hard to eat them when they're covered in BBQ sauce. Just plain messy, but the taste was worth it.

The only new menu item that I wasn't crazy about was the Signature Sirloin with Garlic Herb Shrimp. And even that was good. It's a tender 7 oz. sirloin with bruschetta style sauce topped with 7 shrimp in their own creamy herb sauce. Again, excellent flavor and so hard to believe that this particular entrée is under 550 calories. In fact, while I can't access the nutritional info at this moment, I believe this dish was under 500 calories.


So, what didn't I love about it? It has almonds as part of the bruschetta sauce and I wasn't crazy about the texture that created. I like nuts, but they didn't work for me in this dish. Other than that, it was great.


Now... How about a drink? Usually calorie conscious drinkers are forced to stick with basics like white wine, light beer, or maybe a vodka and soda. No more, my friends. At least not if you're at Applebee's where you can try one of their new SkinnyBee cocktails. You can choose among margaritas, mojitos, or their Long Island Tea. While each drink is made with premium spirits, calories are saved by using sugar-free syrups and diet sodas to complete each drink.

I sampled all three and was most impressed with the LIT. I know? How '80s is that? But it was the one that tasted the most like it's sugary, high-calorie Doppelganger.


So, just how many calories do you save by drinking a SkinnyBee cocktail instead of a regular drink? With each drink well below 150 calories, a lot. A typical margarita can have between 300 and 600 calories depending on the mix and pour of liquor included while the SkinnyBee margarita made with Hornitos tequila checks in at 100 calories. The typical Long Island Iced Tea has around 500 calories, while the SkinnyBee version has just 110 and the SkinnyBee mojito is just... wait for it... 90 calories, a savings of around 110 calories compared to the full sugar version.


Not convinced just how good and good for you Applebee's new menu items are? Well, you can find out for yourself by winning a gift certificate good for one of the new "Unbelievably Great Tasting and Under 550 Calories" menu items courtesy of Applebee's Atlanta.


Here's how to win:


1. Add a comment below to tell us how you plan to stay healthy in the new year.  Diet, exercise, meditation? A little of this and a little of that? I'd love to know your best tips for staying fit. Also include which of Applebee's new menu items you're looking forward to trying. (Steps 1 and 2 are musts for entry. For additional entries, see steps 3 and 4.)


2. Post a link to this blog post on your blog.


3. For an extra entry into the contest, Tweet this post or add a link to your Facebook while. When you're done, include the links to your tweet and FB post in your comment. 


4. If you're not a Follower of Belle of the Blog already, follow me and let me know in your comment and you'll get one more entry.


The winner will be chosen at random.


The contest opens now and will close at 12:01 a.m. on Friday, February 4th. Good luck!

You'll Have Time

Do you have those days? You know...Those days?


The ones where your head and heart are wrapped around some family drama, some slight, or minor heartbreak. Hell, maybe it's even a major heartbreak, but certainly not one worthy of consuming you heart, mind, and soul. Yet, there you go, deep in the spiral of fear, worry, anxiety, anger, frustration, and utter annoyance. And then when you least expect it there's one. more. thing. That thing. The thing. The straw that breaks the camel's back thing. And when it happens you lose it, bursting into tears or shouting in rage. Naturally whatever that thing is, it's something that you normally wouldn't waste the energy to bat an eyelash at. But there you go... all red-faced and weepy, face wrenched in torment and anger.


I had one of those days last week. I'd received a phone call from a friend that put me on edge and had me feeling anxious and worried. Cooper came down with vestibular disease and I was afeared for his life*, Scott was out of the country for work and I was single-parenting it for the week and feeling a little lonesome, too. I felt like I was going to come out of my skin, had a million and one things I wanted to accomplish, was feeling angry and frustrated by the redistricting situation in my county, and was teetering on the edge.


When Beckett decided to fingerpaint on the kitchen table with his yogurt and dipped his brother's Field Day ribbons (which were on the table because I was cleaning out our kitchen closet!) in the yogurt, I was annoyed and told him he had to clean it up. I walked over to the sink to gather the cleaning supplies. When I turned around, Beckett was perched on the table, right smack dab in the middle of his strawberry yogurt masterpiece. Naturally, as one is wont to do on a bad day, I burst into tears thinking "Why does everything have to suck for me right now?"


That's the moment when everything changed... when I saw through knowing eyes and heard through truthful ears. Beckett looked at me with the sweetest, most quizzical smile, and said, "It's okay, Mommy. I'm not dying."


And so, from the mouth of my babe, Wisdom. Beautiful, profound, simple truth. "I'm not dying." What could be worse than that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. My sweetest little one is healthy and happy and so is his brother. Their dad, my partner and friend, the man I love is home, safe, from the other side of the world and he is loved beyond measure. Maybe there are things I'd change in my life, but the fundamentals, the stuff that really matters is all pretty awesome.


As I fell to the kitchen floor laughing, a prayer of thanksgiving in my heart, I reminded myself that yes, Life is truly good.




*Cooper's bloodwork came back showing he has a low thyroid which can cause Vestibular Disease in dogs. He started the medicine on Tuesday and by Thursday could walk on his own without my help and by today, one week from its onset is able to go up and down steps without help although he's still a bit shaky and still has a slight head tilt. He's definitely doing much better.

Go Tell It on the Mountain: Education in DeKalb County Possibly Worse than in Dr. King's Day

Six months before his death in 1967, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke to a group of junior high school students in Philadelphia, urging them to stay in school, encouraging them to see their own brilliance, humanity, and integrity. 


Here's a bit of what he told them: 

Number one in your life's blueprint, should be a deep belief in your own dignity, your worth and your own somebodiness. Don't allow anybody to make you fell that you're nobody. Always feel that you count. Always feel that you have worth, and always feel that your life has ultimate significance.

Secondly, in your life's blueprint you must have as the basic principle the determination to achieve excellence in your various fields of endeavor. You're going to be deciding as the days, as the years unfold what you will do in life — what your life's work will be. Set out to do it well.

And I say to you, my young friends, doors are opening to you--doors of opportunities that were not open to your mothers and your fathers — and the great challenge facing you is to be ready to face these doors as they open...

This hasn't always been true — but it will become increasingly true, and so I would urge you to study hard, to burn the midnight oil; I would say to you, don't drop out of school. I understand all the sociological reasons, but I urge you that in spite of your economic plight, in spite of the situation that you're forced to live in — stay in school.

I wonder what Dr. King would think about the state of education here in Atlanta today. While I can't speak to the state of City of Atlanta schools, the state of schools in DeKalb County, which makes up a huge chunk of the metro Atlanta area, is consuming a monumental amount of my mental energy right now and causing me to despair for my own children and those throughout the county.

After years of mismanagement and corruption at the hands of Crawford Lewis, Pat Pope, and their corrupt cronies, DeKalb County Schools are in a state of crisis, having been the subject of an inquiry by the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools which provides the systems accreditation, and now facing the prospect of closing neighborhood schools and consolidating programs like the magnet and gifted programs into what the DCSS terms "centralized" locations. In other words, they are moving these programs from the areas where the majority of students participating in them live and putting them in economically disadvantaged schools that no one should have to attend. 

The county's redistricting plans also include moving students from high performing schools to schools that haven't met AYP standards, pitting neighborhood against neighborhood, haves against have nots, minority against majority, North DeKalb against South as parents fight to do what is right, not just for their own children, but for the communities they have helped build.

I had another mother ask me why I was fighting the redistricting, suggesting that as good citizens we all have to share the burden. Sadly, I don't see that we are all sharing the burden. The brunt of the burden of redistricting is being placed upon families in the North and Central parts of DeKalb County, asking us to move our children to schools that aren't as good as the ones they currently attend. 

The county refuses to make real change by firing bad teachers, dismantling the staggering bureaucracy and corruption of the DCSS central office, and making bad schools better. Instead, they want to disrupt the lives of families whose kids attend good schools (schools that parents and communities have worked hard to maintain and improve), so they can put a Band-Aid on the gushing wound of underperforming schools. It's as if they honestly believe they can shuffle high achievers around and put them in any school they want to raise test scores or create some sort of equity in education all while making the masses believe they are cutting costs and saving tax dollars.

It's such a gutless move. And intellectually dishonest.

All children in this county deserve a good education. Instead of shuffling the deck chairs on the Titanic, perhaps the DeKalb County school system and Board of Education should evaluate their curricula, hire teachers who can teach, fire the ones who can't and don't give them administrative positions, stop hiring unqualified relatives of administrators to fill made-up positions in the central office, and make real, substantive changes at the schools that need them the most. Oh yeah... And don't give the interim superintendent (a product of the old administration, by the way) a $73,000 raise when you're faced with closing schools!

Instead of wasting money on designated gifted-magnet/high achiever schools and charter schools whose attendance is selected not by test scores, but by lottery, serving a very limited number of students, spend that money to create Honors and AP courses in every school. In elementary schools, have a single class in every grade that is solely for the high achievers. Yes, track the kids who need additional challenges and do the same for the kids who are struggling. Get every kid the specialized attention they need at a greatly reduced cost to the taxpayers of this county and without forcing their parents to drive 20 miles across the city to get their son or daughter to school. 

I think Dr. King would mourn at how far we have yet to go to provide an adequate education to every child in this county. I also believe he would point the finger of shame at those DCSS administrators and BOE members who grasp for power and line their own pockets at the expense of our children. 

New Year's Day: A New Year, A Few New Things

Happy 2011 Y'all! Five days in, it hardly seems right to say "Happy New Year," the way the years fly by now!

I wrote a curmudgeonly post a few days ago all about how I had no hope for the new year. (I chose note to post it.) Surprising since the final days of 2010 weren't bad at all. My mother-in-law had our boys for a few days and Scott and I partied like rock stars, going out every night until the wee, wee hours and then sleeping in the next day. I even met a few cool people on New Year's Eve and had several drunk very nice people guess that I was in my 20s or early 30s. How cool is that?

Still, I felt very negative the first few days of this new year and still do about some things, but right now I feel pretty good about writing and want to be writing. I also don't want to be guilty of adding more negativity to the Universe, so I'm trying hard to keep those thoughts to myself.

To that end, I decided to post this yummy Cream of Potato and Turnip soup recipe I created last week. It was delicious and the perfect thing to keep January's chills and darkness at bay. Hope you enjoy it!

Cream of Potato and Turnip Soup
1 large Irish potato
1 medium to large turnip
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 stick butter, plus a dab
4 - 5 Tablespoons flour
32 oz. chicken stock, broth, veggie broth or water
2 cups milk
1/2 cup cream
1 stem rosemary
Salt to taste

Peel then dice your potato and turnip. Place in pot and cover with broth or water. You can also place into a steamer basket and steam them. I find boiling them in broth adds a layer of richness to the soup that I enjoy.

Boil potato and turnip until tender. Remove from heat to a clean bowl. Add dab of butter and minced garlic along with salt to taste. Mash to your desired consistency.  I prefer mine kind of chunky, but if you want a super creamy soup with no lumps, you can whip them with a hand mixer.

Rinse and dry the pan you just used (for no other particular reason than conserving pots and pans). Place butter in pan and melt, once butter is melted begin to gradually add flour, whisking as you go along. If it seems too dry, you can add more butter. (Also, note, some folks prefer to make a roux with oil. It can be made with any melted fat, but I prefer the taste of butter.)

As your roux thickens, gradually add the milk, whisking constantly. Next, add in the mashed potato, turnip, garlic mixture and stir it in. I also add a bit of salt, here, too. If it seems too thick, you can gradually add a bit of milk. Float rosemary (the whole stem) on top of soup, reduce heat to low and allow to simmer for about 5 min.

Remove rosemary. Stir in cream and serve.

Sadly, I forgot to take a photograph of my soup, but I can assure you it tasted great!

If you try this recipe, let me know your thoughts. I'd love to see how you like it.

Happy Cooking!